A Desert Flower
by lhflowers2
Summary: He was a Demon, cruel and uncaring. She was a flower, sweet and gentle. How do their paths cross time and time again? GaaraxOC Was a reader insert for Luna and FF, but I changed it to and OC so I could put it on here.
1. Chapter 1

The first time she met him she had only been 5 years old. Just a little girl who had run from her father's funeral and ended up at an empty playground. The same playground her father would take her to when he wasn't busy with work.

Kiku sat on the swing, twirling a small red flower between her fingers. It was her father's favorite, taken right off one of the pots of flowers he'd helped her grow in her bedroom. She was supposed to lay one on his grave site but she had refused to do so. She knew that if she did she'd be admitting that he really was gone forever, and she couldn't accept that. That was why she had run away from the ceremony. Nobody had followed after her.

Tears welled up in her pale blue eyes and fell slowly down pudgy red cheeks.

"Are you alright?"

She turned her head toward the voice and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. There was a boy standing a few feet away and for a moment she stared at him. He looked familiar, but she couldn't place why. He slowly stepped closer and when she didn't respond he pointed to the swing beside her.

"Can I sit next to you?"

She nodded and he sat down, swinging his legs gently. He stared at the ground and she stared at him. She thought he was pretty. His hair was red, and red was her favorite color. It had been her dad's favorite too.

"I…I like your hair…it's very pretty," she said quietly. His head snapped up to look at her and she saw his aqua colored eyes open wide in surprise. When he didn't say anything she looked away.

"Yours is pretty too."

She turned back to look at him and forced a tiny smile. She hated her hair. It was just a mass of dark purple curls that made her think of her mother. She wished she'd had brown hair like her dad instead. Her smile faded quickly and they both returned to the silence. The boy shifted in his swing.

"Why were you crying before?" He asked.

She bit her lip and stared at the flower in her hand.

"My daddy…he…he died…" she whispered, voice cracking slightly as tears filled her eyes once again. "Now I just have my mom and sister...and they never liked me much. I always mess things up and daddy was the only one to never get mad."

She thought back to her 5th birthday party a few months ago. Since her father was a member of the Kazekage's council her mother had invited many of the other elite families from the land of wind with the intention to parade Kiku and her older sister, Kimi, around like objects. She had high hopes that one day the two of them would marry high class men of her choosing so they could all continue leading the lavish lifestyle that she treasured so much.

To accomplish that, she'd decided it was necessary to introduce both her daughters into her social circle as soon as possible. It should have been a simple task for Kiku. She just had to stay quiet, look nice, and thank everyone for her presents. Of course she couldn't manage that.

Kiku never handled pressure very well. She'd been so jittery the whole day that she'd spilled punch all over her white birthday dress within the first hour of the party and every time she saw her mother's angry stare she couldn't help but burst into tears sporadically throughout the night.

Her mother ended up telling the guests that Kiku was tired and sent her up to bed before dinner. Kimi was left to play the part of 'Birthday Girl', opening her presents and eating cake, while Kiku sat in her room, covered in punch and starving.

Her father had snuck her a piece of cake into her room after the guests had left. He told her that she'd done just fine and that everything would work out fine. She knew that he was lying, but it made her feel a little better just to hear him say that.

Her mother had screamed at her the following day for embarrassing her, and Kimi made fun of Kiku for weeks afterwards. Kiku's father was the only one who didn't mind, but he was rarely around due to work. Now he was gone forever and she knew he'd never bring her another piece of cake or be there to tell her everything was going to be fine. She were stuck…alone with the people who only saw her as a disappointment.

"My family doesn't like me either," the boy said to her. "nobody does really. My uncle is the only one who takes care of me."

He'd caught her off guard with his comment and she could see he was sad. She reached out to take his hand in hers.

"I didn't mean to make you sad too," she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

He looked at her curiously. He didn't understand why she was still here talking to him…and now she'd touched him. Nobody ever got that close.

"Ummm…what's your name?" She asked. She'd been sitting with him for a while and had just noticed she still didn't know who he was.

"I'm Gaara," he said quietly.

Kiku remembered that name. Her eyes opened wide in recognition and she pulled her hand away. Now she knew why he looked familiar. He was the boy her sister had pointed out to her once. She had said he was a monster and that he'd kill her if she ever talked to him.

When Kiku pulled her hand back he saw the fear in her eyes and he looked down, his eyes tearing up. She really was just like everyone else.

She bit her lip and jumped off the swing to stand in front of him.

"I'm Kiku!" she said, trying to catch his attention again. Her sister had to be wrong. He didn't seem like a monster. He'd been nice to her the whole time. If he'd wanted to hurt her it would have happened already, right?

Despite her sudden outburst he refused to look at her. She could see the sand around her beginning to sift.

"You know, I was named after this flower!" She held out her chrysanthemum. She wasn't sure what to say but she wanted him to talk to her again. When he still didn't look up she frowned.

"I'm sorry Gaara-kun. Please don't be sad." She reached for his hand again but her wrist was suddenly caught by sand. It was tight and a little uncomfortable. It caught her off guard and she spent a few moments poking at it. She didn't know sand could do that. She thought it was kind of cool.

Gaara finally looked back up at her and he let the sand drop. She didn't look scared or sad anymore. Instead she smiled a small, innocent smile.

"Did you do that with the sand?" she asked.

He nodded and she smiled.

"Can you make it do anything else?"

"Yes."

"Could you show me?"

"No."

She decided to let the topic drop since she didn't want to upset him again. She handed him her chrysanthemum. He took the flower and stared at her.

"It matches your hair," she said, smiling. "I have lots that I grow in my room…so I want you to have this one to say sorry I made you sad."

He thought she was a little odd but he smiled at the present.

She suddenly realized how dark it was and looked up at the starry sky. She wondered if she should go home and how much trouble she'd be in when she got there. Then she wondered if anyone had bothered to look for her. She doubted it.

"Hey, if I go home now can I see you again tomorrow?" she asked.

He nodded slowly.

"Meet me by the swings tomorrow afternoon then," she said, turning on her heels and running off in the direction of her home. She looked back once to wave goodbye before taking off full speed towards her home.

He watched her go and decided to head home as well. He looked at the flower in his hand and wondered if she really would come back tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Kiku ran through the streets of Suna, sun beating down on her from high up in the sky. It was always so hot and bright in the afternoon, and she wore an airy cream colored poncho dress with matching shoes and a hat to sheild herself from the sun's rays. It was one of her favorite outfits, handmade by her aunt in Konoha. She'd sent it as a late birthday present and Kiku wore it whenever she got the chance. The skirt flowed around her knees with every step she took and she made her way towards the playground to meet Gaara.

As she got closer to the playground she noticed how loud it was becoming. Yelling and screaming filled the air and she wondered what was going on. She rounded the corner to the playground and was nearly knocked over by a group of screaming children. A boy a few years older than her pushed her to the side as he ran past. It startled her and she cautiously continued on her way to the playground, unsure of what she would see. She peeked her head around the corner and saw the playground was completely empty, aside from a single figure that she could see on the swing. She moved forward to get a closer look and let out a sigh of relief. There was nothing to worry about.

"Gaara-kun!" She yelled, waving as she ran towards him. He turned to look at her and rased his hand a bit, giving her a small wave in return.

"I...didn't think you'd really come here." His voice was really quiet and he hugged a teddy bear against his chest. It looked really cute and if he hadn't looked so sad, Kiku knew she would have giggled at the adorable sight.

"Sorry if I was late." Kiku twirled a purple curl around her finger and bit her lip as she sat down on the other swing. "I was in trouble for yesterday and I almost wasn't allowed out."

She thought back to earlier and sighed. She really hated her sister at times like these. She was such a snitch and sometimes Kiku wondered if she looked for ways to ruin your day. She was just going to leave for a little while. Her mother and sister never talked to her much when she was home with them anyway so she didn't see the big deal about leaving for a few hours.

Kiku was almost to the back door when she was found by Kimi. Kiku was hopeful, for a brief moment, that maybe Kimi would just keep going about her business and ignore her. She weren't so lucky.

"Mom! Kiku's trying to run away again!" Kimi's high pitched scream sounded out through the house and Kiku glared in her direction.

Their mother's hurried steps could be heard swiftly approaching the room.

"Kiku!" The small girl jumped at the sound of her mother's voice and her gaze drifted to the doorway to see her. She was visibly angry and it frightened her.

"Y-y-yes…mother?"

Their mother was in her red heels, towering even higher above her youngest child than usual and she stepped closer. Her hands were on her hips and she tapped her right foot.

"Where exactly do you think you're going?"

Kiku bit her lip and looked back towards the door.

"I was going to meet one of my friends for a…"

"You're not going anywhere, Kiku. After what you pulled yesterday…after how bad you made me look in front of your father's old colleagues, why should I let you go? You're just lucky your sister is so well behaved or we would be the talk of the town in the worst way possible. To think…I raised a heathen."

Kiku's mother pinched the bridge of her nose and let out an aggravated sigh. Kimi flashed an arrogant smirk in her younger sister's direction.

Kiku's eyes slowly filled with tears. She could normally handle her mother's yelling, but she didn't want to leave Gaara waiting for her. She told him that she'd be there and she was going to see it through. Kiku thought of something to tell her mother that would get her to allow her to leave.

"C-can I just go for a little bit? I told Sana-chan that I'd go see her today." Kiku quickly named one of the few friends her mother approved of. Sana's family had even more money and power than theirs, and Kiku's mother hoped the friendship would prove useful in the future. Kiku knew she'd let her go if it was Sana waiting for her, so she didn't mention Gaara. "It's rude for me not to show up after promising I'd go…and…and you don't want people to think you raised me to break promises, do you?" She said the last part with her eyes closed so she could avoid her gaze.

"Fine."

Kiku cracked open an eye and looked towards her mother. The woman glared and pointed a perfectly manicured finger towards the clock.

"You have 3 hours. That is it! Then tell Sana-chan you're going to be busy until next week."

Kiku nodded, accepting her punishment. When she was "busy" it meant she was to be locked in her room for the entire day. She would get 2 meals and a piece of fruit taken to her room, but she couldn't leave for any reason and she was forbidden to make any noise, in case her mother was entertaining a guest. Kiku had asked once why herr mother didn't just say she was grounded, but the woman had simply said that she didn't punish her children. She said she'd be mad if Kiku ever said that she did because people would look down on her parenting skills. Being only 5, Kiku didn't understand her thought process, but she didn't want to make her mother mad, so she never asked her what she meant.

At least her mother allowed her out at all this time, and she slowly left the house and closed the door behind her. As soon as Kiku heard it click shut she ran as fast as she could towards the playground, glad to get away from her family for a while and excited to see her new friend.

…and now the two of them sat on the swings, side by side. Neither of them said a word and it was completely silent, aside from the slight squeak coming from the swing whenever Kiku would move in her seat. Gaara was looking at the ground again, hugging his bear. Kiku pointed at the bear and smiled.

"That's really cute! Did you name it?"

He shook his head.

'Why would I name a stuffed toy?' he thought, a little confused.

"Can I name it then? Please?" Kiku pulled herself up to stand on the swing, still looking down at Gaara and the bear. He looked at her curiously before nodding.

"Sure."

Kiku looked the brown bear over before a wide smile graced her face.

"I think it looks like a KumaKuma-san to me!" She said with a nod. Gaara looked at the bear then back at her.

"KumaKuma-san…?"

"Do you like it?" She smiled and leaned forward a little.

"No…It sounds funny…" He mumbled. She was a little offended and opened her mouth to tell him that it was a great name and not funny at all. She let go of the swing, pointing a finger at him to accentuate her point, and lost her balance, falling forward to the ground.

Kiku let out a small yelp, but before she hit the ground face first, a soft wall of sand came up, pushing her back into a seated position on the swing before it fell to the ground once again. Pale blue eyes opened wide and she turned to look at Gaara.

"Did you do that?"

He nodded and she smiled wide. She thought her new friend really was the coolest.

"Thanks!" She giggled and got up off the swing to sit on the ground in front of him. It got quiet again when he didn't respond and she drew little pictures in the sand around herself.

"Kuma."

The small girl looked up to see Gaara holding his bear out.

"I'm just going to call it Kuma."

It was a sort of boring name to Kiku, but she knew it was his toy and not hers so she just nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

"Good job! Now it has a name." She smiled wide and Gaara's lips turned up slightly into a shy smile as well. He looked prettier than normal, and she wished he'd smile more. Kiku took his hand, a slight blush forming on her cheeks as she pulled him towards the slide, determined to make the most out of the 2 hours she had left to play with her friend.

With that, the two of them played together with Kuma. Kiku didn't think about the funeral or her mother…or her sister. None of those problems crossed the girl's mind, and for a while she was just a child, having fun with another child, without a care in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

"Gaara-kun! Gaara-kun…where are you?" Kiku called out, right hand cupped beside her mouth in and attempt to amplify the sound.

It had been nearly 4 months since she'd first met him, and she'd made a point to go see him whenever she could. It didn't even take her as much effort to sneak around her family anymore. She'd simply tell herr mother that she was going out to play with one of her pre-approved friends, then just go see Gaara instead. Her mother never bothered to check if it was true or not, as she never cared to check up on her youngest daughter. Kiku learned it was the best way to sneak out without really having to sneak out. Today she was supposedly playing with some girl named Momo…she wasn't really Kiku's friend, as she'd only spoken to her twice, but her mother didn't know that.

Gaara was usually at the playground or somewhere nearby, so Kiku never had any trouble finding him. Today,however, she'd looked all over and he was still nowhere in sight. Kiku sighed and held her little bag to her chest. She'd wanted to surprise him.

She walked through the streets of Suna, peering around every corner and looking around. She didn't want to give up until you found him, not after all the work she'd put into his surprise.

"Kiku…chan?"

A quiet voice behind her caused the small girl to turn around, and a wide smile slowly spread across her face.

"Hi Gaara-kun!" she said with a sigh. "I was looking all over for you."

"You…were? Really?" He seemed a little surprised.

"Of course, silly! We always play around this time…but you weren't at the playground or anywhere…" Kiku jutted out her lower lip and folded her arms across her chest, showing her displeasure at him not showing up.

"Oh Gaara…is this your friend?"

Kiku's gaze wandered up from the redhead to see the man beside him. He was blonde with what she thought was a girl's haircut. It really wasn't , but Kiku couldn't help but be forced to suppress a giggle. He knelt down to be at eye level with the two children and smiled.

"I'm Gaara's uncle, Yashamaru. It's very nice to meet you."

Kiku smiled back.

So this was the uncle Gaara had told her about... the one that took care of him. Kiku thought he seemed like a nice person, and she was glad Gaara had someone nice like that as a close family member. She politely said hello to the man.

"I was gonna ask Gaara-kun if he wanted to have a picnic," Kiku said, quietly. "My mom just taught me and my sister how to cook some things and I made extra to share."

Gaara looked to the bag in her hands then looked to Yashamaru.

Gaara's uncle sighed and stood back up, looking down the street with a momentary far away gaze in his eyes.

"I was just bringing Gaara home now. His father is going to stop by later to…see him." Yashamaru looked down at the girl, obviously disappointed and looking like she was about to cry. He leaned down to pat her head. "Our house is just down the road, though. Maybe you two can have a quick picnic in the house before he gets there."

Kiku and Gaara both broke into large smiles and Yashamaru led them both towards the house.

Kiku was excited to see where Gaara lived. She'd wondered on a few occasions, but never asked…her new friend got upset fairly easily and she always tried her hardest to avoid saying anything at all that would upset him.

As they approached his house Kiku were surprised to see that it was fairly large, especially for only two people. She figured Gaara's family must have a lot of money, then wondered that, if that was true, why her mother never invited them to her parties.

Gaara grabbed Kiku's hand gently and led her inside. It was much cooler indoors and she was silently grateful. Running around searching for Gaara in the afternoon heat had begun to make her feel overheated.

The two of them made their way to nearly empty room. It had just a couch and a table with a single picture on top. Gaara sat on the floor and Kiku sat down too, gaze flickering to the picture. It was a woman who looked a lot like Yashamaru. She wondered if that was Gaara's mother, but didn't ask. His mother was a topic she knew for a fact that she shouldn't bring up.

Kiku opened her bag and removed a large bento box. She took the compartments apart and lay them out in front of them. They were relatively simple dishes, but she took pride in them.

Kiku had just discovered that so far cooking was the only thing she could to better than Kimi. Even their mother had been impressed. It had made Kiku very happy to hear her mother's compliments…and she was happier still when her mother yelled at Kimi for burning an omelet. It had been Kiku's turn to smirk at her sister's mistake.

Kiku twirled a strand of hair around her finger and pointed at the riceball she'd made out of brown rice for him. It was shaped like a bear head, and she'd used cut pieces of nori to make it's smiling face.

"That one is just for you. I tried to make it look like Kuma. You should try it and tell me how everything is."

Gaara nodded and reached out, taking one of the bear ears and popping it in his mouth. Kiku weren't sure what he thought at first, but she smiled when he took the whole riceball and kept eating it. He liked it, and when he finished he thanked her.

"That was yummy."

He looked over the other contents of the bento and grabbed one of her favorites. He bit into it and promptly spit it back out.

"...that one wasn't yummy..." he mumbled, reaching for a flower shaped carrot piece to wash away the taste.

Kiku grabbed one to try it as well and she looked at him. There was nothing wrong with it. It tasted like normal and she thought it was really yummy. She always loved mizu yokan.

"Well if you don't like that, what kinds of stuff do you normally like? I can try and make it for another time." Kiku wanted him to like the food she made, and figured she could always make another bento full of things he liked.

"I like gizzards...and salted tongue."

He said it with a cheerful expression but her eyes opened wide in mild disgust. She couldn't understand how any of that could taste good...and she didn't think she'd ever want to stay for dinner if that's what Yashamaru cooked.

"I...ummm...don't think I've ever had that before," she said with a soft chuckle.

Gaara saw her expression and promised her that it really was good. He made Kiku promise to try it one day and she eventually agreed. She got to see his smile again, which to her made it worth it.

Other than the mizu yokan, Gaara seemed to enjoy the bento and the two of them finished up the lunch together.

When they were done, Kiku packed the box back up and put it in her bag. She knew he still had his dad coming over and she didn't want to intrude.

Both children said goodbye and Yashamaru and Gaara saw Kiku out.

She took to an immediate run back home and a few houses down from Gaara's she crashed into something hard and fell backwards. Kiku needed to learn to pay closer attention to her surroundings...something she frequently forgot when she was excited.

She rubbed her sore head and felt someone pick her up and set her on her feet.

She looked up to see the Kazekage and her breath caught in her throat. Kiku had never seen him up close before.

"Watch where you're going next time. We can't have people crashing into eachother and getting hurt over something foolish, right?"

She nodded. He was an intimidating man, and even though she knew he was the man in charge of keeping the village safe...someone her father had worked with and respected... he scared her.

She let out a sigh of relief when he simply continued on his way past her, and she slowly walked the rest of the way home. She didn't look back to see him greet Yashamaru before following him inside the house she had just left.


	4. Chapter 4

"Stop it! Stop it!" Kiku screamed out, falling to the ground as the girl behind her shoved her forward. She hit the ground hard and tried to push herself back up, but a sudden harsh pressure on her back kept her from moving.

A boy a few years older knelt down in front of her. Kiku saw something gleaming in his hands and her eyes opened wide when she saw it was a pair of scissors.

Tears fell from her eyes as she sobbed. "W-Why are you guys doing this?"

Kiku really didn't understand. She was just going to the store like her mother had asked when two kids suddenly tackled her by the playground. They'd spent several minutes just tossing her and shoving her between them...and making fun of everything they could about her. Kiku couldn't understand why.

She had no idea who they were, but they knew her somehow...or at least they knew what family she came from.

"Ayako! Can you shut the Hayama girl up already? It's annoying to hear her cry!" The boy yelled at the girl, casting a glare in Kiku's direction.

"Why don't you figure something out? It's hard enough holding her down, Ryuji! You're lucky I'm even helping you!" The girl yelled back, and the pressure on top of Kiku increased.

"Please stop! I didn't do anything to you! I just wanted to go to the store!" she yelled out and tried to squirm away from Ayako. She held Kiku firmly in place.

"Just shut up Hayama-san! You and your stupid sister need to learn your place! You may have been important once, but your attitudes need to be brought down. You have no important ties to this village anymore!"

The boy, Ryuji, grabbed one of Kiku's pigtails and tugged it harshly. The small girl whimpered in pain.

"Your dad isn't part of the council anymore. You don't even have a dad anymore. You're not ninjas...you're nothing! Nothing but spoiled brats that treat everyone else like trash!"

Ryuji took his scissors and went to cut the pigtail off. Kiku squirmed more and he cut it in half, accidentally slashing at her left cheek in the process. The thin red line along the pale skin of her cheek stung and she struggled harder.

"Please stop this. I'm sorry if Kimi was mean to you! Just leave me alone...please! I don't even know who you are!"

Kiku hated her sister so much. She had seen Kimi treating other children badly before...but she treated her younger sister the same so she rarely payed attention. It was just how Kimi was. Their mother raised Kimi with the thought that she was perfect and would make a picture perfect bride for some rich man who would support her so she'd never have to work at anything but looking pretty. Kimi figured anyone who wasn't richer than their family wasn't worth the time, just like their mother thought. So she treated most everyone in the village pretty poorly. Kiku figured her sister must have made fun of these two pretty badly.

Kiku felt she should have known Kimi would make enemies with her attitude, but she never thought anyone would take their anger out on the younger sister who had nothing to do with her.

"Ryuji! Stop! I think you actually hurt her!"

"So? What do you care? We both agreed on this."

"I know...but I thought we were going after Kimi first! I don't even know how old this brat is...but she looks small." She paused and Kiku felt her shift on top of her. "Just cut the other one and hurry up then!"

She thrashed around and screamed when he grabbed her other pigtail. The little girl shut her eyes when he pulled it hard.

Suddenly he let go and screams filled her ears. The weight on her back dissapeared and Kiku's eyes opened to see Ryuji completely surrounded by sand. Ayako was running away, but a thin line of sand wound around her leg, pulling her to the ground. Kiku looked to her left and saw Gaara.

He glared at the screaming bullies and his extended hand slowly started to ball into a fist. They screamed louder and Kiku knew he was hurting them.

"Stop! Stop!" Ryuji yelled out, but Gaara didn't waver. His hand only closed tighter.

Kiku slowly stood up and looked to her friend.

"Gaara-kun...let them go...please." She walked towards him and reached for his arm. She didn't want them to get hurt any more. He got them away from her already and she knew that was enough help.

Gaara looked at Kiku and didn't move. "You're bleeding, Kiku-chan. They hurt you..."

She nodded but gently pushed his arm down.

"Thank you for helping me...but please let them go."

After a few moments, the sand fell and the two ran away, screaming. The word "monster" reached Kiku's ears and her hands balled into fists. Part of her had wanted Gaara to crush them, but another part didn't want him to add more reason for the villagers to dislike him...especially if it was all her fault.

Gaara ignored them and gently pulled Kiku towards his house.

"Yashamaru will make you all better." He said, looking at the bleeding scratch on his friend's cheek and the light trickle of blood coming from it.

Kiku nodded and followed close behind him, holding back tears. She reached at the cut pigtail and bit her lip. She had finally learned to like her hair and now this.

Gaara sensed Kiku's unhappiness as they reached his house and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Don't be upset, Kiku-chan. Nobody will hurt you again...and everything will go back to normal."

She was silent as the two of them went to see Yashamaru and Gaara explained what happened.

Kiku was bandaged up and Yashamaru offered to walk her home to tell her mother that she were alright. Kiku accepted and turned to say goodbye to Gaara. Yashamaru suggested it would be best for him to stay behind.

Without thinking Kiku wrapped her arms around Gaara's neck. He was shocked at first but soon returned the hug. He was warm and Kiku smiled just slightly before she slowly released him to head back home. Kiku never mentioned it...but in that moment all her unhappiness was suddenly washed away. She knew that so long as he was there for her everything would be alright


	5. Chapter 5

A calm January afternoon in Suna. It was Kiku's favorite time of the year. The day was warm, but nothing like the sweltering heat the village endured the rest of the year. A short, light pink dress flowed out around the small girl while she sprawled out on the warm sand. It was perfect.

"Hold still!" She ordered, casting a look at the redhead seated in front of her. "I can't make your portrait if you keep moving!"

"Sorry..." Gaara mumbled. She could tell he was getting irritated, so she quickly scribbled her aqua crayon across where his eyes were located on the paper. She sat up and held it an arms length away, looking between her paper and her subject.

"Perfect!" She giggled. It was her best picture yet, though still far from perfect. It was rather average for a 5 year old, she supposed, but she didn't want to admit it. Kiku held the paper out to Gaara and he took it to look at it.

"Happy Birthday!"

Gaara smiled. He had mentioned his birthday to Kiku once and he hadn't expected her to remember.

This was the first time anyone had made his birthday a happy event. Normally it was a day to remember and grieve for the death of his mother, Karura. Yashamaru always left him home while he went to her grave. Gaara never recieved presents.

He held the paper close. Even with it's imperfections he appreciated the thought and genuinely liked the picture. Kiku smiled wide and he returned a small smile as well.

"Thank you Kiku-chan."

The little girl started to pack her crayons back into the box, smiling happily to herself, and she handed him her sketchbook.

"You can have these too. They're part of the present." She said, sealing the crayon box and pushing it towards him. "I couldn't get two without my mother getting suspicious...so I had to use yours for the portrait...sorry."

Gaara nodded. He knew the stories of Kiku's mother and he agreed she handled the situation as good as she could. He took the gift and scooted over to sit next to her.

They both sat in silence for a while before Kiku leaned back to lay on the sand, looking up at the sky.

"Pretty isn't it?" she whispered, a light breeze blowing past her while she watched the clouds floating by.

Gaara followed after her, leaning back to lay on the ground as well.

"Very pretty..."

The minutes passed by silently and a large gust of wind blew past, sending a small flury of sand to whip around them. Kiku scooted closer to Gaara, nuzzling her face against his arm to sheild her eyes. She didn't notice, but the sand simply swirled around them, never really coming into contact with her. Gaara was warm and Kiku was comfortable how she was. She didn't want to move. Without realizing it she began to doze off.

Gaara watched her. Kiku's eyes were closed but her eyelashes fluttered just slightly, dark against her pale skin. Light pink lips opened just the slightest as she burried her head against his arm. He smiled and sat up, brushing dark purple hairs away from her face before picking up his present.

Kiku soon found herself being lightly shaken awake. Eyes opened groggily and she rubbed them with the back of her hand. It was dark and she looked around trying to remember where she was. Her gaze instantly flickered to red hair and she let out a sigh of relief. She was still on the outskirts of the playground.

"It's getting late Kiku-chan. Your mother might want you home soon."

Kiku looked up at the stars and sighed. She slept through his birthday, and now she had to go home.

She nodded and stood up, dusting the sand of her dress.

"Let's play again tomorrow." Gaara said quietly.

Kiku smiled and nodded. "I'll make riceballs and we can have a picnic again!"

Gaara nodded before he picked up his presents and started to walk back home. Kiku followed suit and returned to her own house just on time.

Neither her mother or sister caused her any problems for once. She slipped into her room and closed the door.

The young girl giggled and fell back onto her bed. A slight rustle was heard when she fell onto pink sheets, and Kiku reached into her pocket. She felt paper brush her fingertips and she pulled the folded item out. She stared for a moment and slowly unfolded it. She couldn't help but giggle when she saw what it was.

There was a small picture, colored in crayon and drawn much better than her own. There was a girl with short purple curls and a pink dress sleeping in the sun while a boy with red hair sat beside her, a wall of sand sheilding them from the suns rays. In the corner was a small message.

"I'll keep you safe"

A small smile crept upon Kiku's lips as she folded it back up and held it to her chest.

This was the moment she realized her crush on Gaara.

[A/N]-One of my friends told me to try this out and I think I will...5 Comments=New chapter O.O Also, I have a deviantart account where I'll be posting pictures that have to do with Kiku and Gaara...and other random things from this story. The username is Forgotten-Promise ... So far there's only 2 but if you check back every once in a while I'll be making more ^^ and...that is all. I'll get the next chapter ready soon and post it as soon as I get 5 new comments to test this idea out :)


	6. Chapter 6

Kiku loved living in Suna. She'd heard people talk of other villages full of forests and lakes, villages built by the sea, and villages on mountains or near waterfalls. They always seemed to be in awe of these places but Kiku could never understand why.

The young girl slipped her shoes off her feet and stood atop the warm sand.

She loved the feeling of sand between her toes and the warmth from the sun while she danced around playfully.

A gentle wind rushed by, her short curls brushing against her cheeks as it did. She never wanted to go anywhere else. Suna was perfect.

It was early afternoon and Kiku were waiting for Gaara to show up for their usual meeting. She'd told her mother that she was going to visit Sana-chan again, but instead ran to hers and Gaara's usual meeting place instead. She'd wanted to show him her new doll, Akane-chan. Kiku had been very excited when she'd bought her from a local doll shop. She cost half a month's allowance, but Kiku didn't care about the cost. The child had wanted Akane-chan so badly from the moment she spotted her in the shop window.

She was about the size of a baby, with a pale cream dress and red hair that made Kiku think of Gaara. That was what she loved most about her new doll...and what had caught her interest in the first place.

"Kiku-chan?"

At the sound of the voice Kiku stopped dancing and looked around, her gaze finally settling on the red head running towards her. A wide smile spread across her face as she ran to meet him, holding her doll out so he could see.

"Look what I got Gaara!"

Gaara looked at the doll and then down at his bear, which he currently had held to his chest.

"Did you name her like we named Kuma?" he asked.

Kiku nodded and sat down on the sand.

"Yup! Her name is Akane-chan."

Gaara knelt down on the sand in front of her, setting Kuma on his lap.

"Her hair is like mine." Gaara noted.

Kiku nodded and hugged her.

"I know...that's why she's so pretty."

Gaara wondered a little at her comment but kept quiet. It was silent for a while and Kiku played with the sand, stacking it into a little moantain.  
>She poked little holes in it and said they were windows.<p>

"I made a house!" she happily declared, pointing at her pile of sand.

Gaara laughed and held out his hands, the sand swirling around beside him, eventually settling into the form of a miniature palace.

Kiku's eyes opened wide and she clapped her hands together.

"Amazing!" she cheered and Gaara smiled. "I wish mine was that cool."

"We can share this one." Gaara said sweetly and her smile spread wide.

Kiku jumped to her feet and cheered.

"A castle! Just like a prince and princess would have! Ooh I know! Let's play prince and princess, Gaara! You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess!"

"That's silly Kiku-chan." Gaara giggled and stood up as well.

"No No! It'll be fun! Akane-chan can be our daughter and Kuma can be the brave ninja that keeps her safe." Kiku nodded and hugged her doll. "It will be lotsa fun! I promise!"

After a moment of convincing, Gaara finally agreed and the two both set to playing around their sand palace.

Little did they know that, at that very moment, Sana-chan...the very girl Kiku's mother thought her daughter was playing with right then... was on her way to Kiku's house to ask her mother if she could come out to play.


	7. Chapter 7

Kiku thought it was a perfect day. The sun was out, bathing Suna in it's brilliant light, but the gentle breezes kept the village reasonably cool. It was a busy day and people rushed through the streets a little ways away from where she and Gaara played. Nobody bothered them while the two ran and giggled and played with their toys.

Eventually both children settled down after playing around their sandcastle, and Kiku sat on the sand, smiling and panting from the constant running. Gaara sat beside her and tilted his face up to the sky. Kiku did the same, and the two of them watched a few clouds and the occasional bird pass by them from up in the sky.

Kiku soon found herself looking away from the sky and staring at Gaara. She blushed a pale pink, watching the way the sunlight shone off his hair, her gaze slowly drifting to the pale aqua of his eyes. He turned his head to look back at her and smiled causing her to smile back nervously and look down.

"Are you ok, Kiku-chan?" He asked, a little worried at his friend's odd behavior.

She nodded and looked him in the eye again. She wanted to tell him about her crush...she really did. She hated keeping it to herself, but for some reason it was always so hard for her to say. He was her best friend and she shared everything with him. He never judged her or made her feel bad, but she was worried about what he'd think of her if she told. Normally Kiku just ignored it, but it was becoming harder to do so when she was around him.

'Maybe you should just say it Kiku...just say it...go ahead...do it...you can do it...' she silently willed herself, little hands balling into fists.

"Gaara-kun...I...Ummm...I like...I really like..." she couldn't get it out and she looked back down, closing her eyes.

"Huh? What is it?" Gaara scooted closer and tilted his head to try and see her face.

Her head jerked up to look at him and she opened her mouth, hoping she could say it.

"Gaara-kun... I really like y-"

"Kiku!"

Before she could finish, the loud sound behind her caused her mouth to shut closed. Kiku's stomach suddenly felt knotted, and she wanted to run away.

She knew that voice.

It was the very voice she heard each day, telling her what to do. The voice that gave Kiku her punishments.

Kiku knew she'd found her...her mother.

"Get away from my daughter you horrid little creature!" The voice screamed, obviously directed at Gaara.

Gaara's eyes opened wide and his lip trembled as he quickly got to his feet and took a step back, Kuma tightly held to his chest. Kiku stood up and looked behind her.

There Kiku's mother stood, her long purple hair flowing elegantly behind her while her blue eyes glared at the two of them with the most intense look Kiku had seen on her ever before.

"M-mother..."

"Kiku...Don't you dare say a word to me right now...you lying little twit!" she spat, her gaze going from her daughter and then back to Gaara. "Just come over here now before...before that...thing...tries to kill you. How could you possibly associate with that monster?"

'He's not a monster...' she thought, 'He's sweet and kind and fun...'

The thoughts ran through Kiku's head but she couldn't say them. Her mother had her too terrified to speak.

Instead Kiku slowly made her way towards her mother, her little body shook and Akane-chan dangled loosely from her hand as she did. No matter what, she could not defy this woman.

When Kiku got close enough her mother grabbed her arm harshly, pulling her child behind her. She pointed a finger at Gaara and his gaze flickered between Kiku and her.

"My daughter wants nothing to do with a jinchuuriki! Never come near her again you monster!" She demanded.

Kiku looked at Gaara,watching the shock and sadness washing over his face. She tried to say something, but her words seemed to catch in her throat.

She felt completely numb as her mother started to pull her back home. Kiku's gaze stayed on Gaara, watching tears fall from his eyes before he turned and ran away, sand swirling around him in a chaotic frenzy that eventually dissapeared from her sight.

Only when he was gone did the tears begin to fall fiercely down her cheeks, choked sobs ringing out for all to hear.


	8. Chapter 8

Adults can be very mean, just like children...Kiku knew that. She had, on few occassions, seen the way they all treated Gaara. They cursed him, wished him dead, and ran away...leaving him alone to ponder their words. They couldn't hurt him physically, but Kiku knew from experience with her mother and sister that certain words hurt worse than any blow administered to the body.

In those times when she'd see them yelling at him and running away she had wanted to help. She wanted to chase after them and beat some sense into their thick skulls to tell them he wasn't bad at all... but she never dared. She was never much of a fighter, and was afraid of being hurt. So, in those times, she would do what little that she could to try and cheer him up. She just tried to be a good friend, a person he could go to in order to recieve a kind word, someone he could rely on...but she could never tell if he understood just how much he meant to her.

When her own mother had been the one to cause that sad faraway look in his eyes she'd been unable to do anything. She hated it.

It had been three weeks since Kiku's mother had caught her with Gaara, and in those three weeks she'd been very "busy", locked into her room from the outside.

Three weeks spent reliving that moment over and over again, knowing she should have tried standing up to her mother...so at least Gaara could have seen that she didn't agree with her. Kiku knew it must have hurt him very badly and the thought kept her in a near constant state of tears.

Kiku's sister thought she was a crybaby and commented on it each time she brought her younger sister food. Kiku refused to eat most of it.

Now it was only two more days until her sixth birthday and she could hear her mother running around downstairs from her current spot on the floor. It sounded like this year was going to be a bigger party than usual, and Kiku wondered why. She knew her mother believed she didn't deserve it. She had made that very clear.

The sound of her door opening caused the little girl to jump to her feet and she turned to see her sister storm into her room. Kimi glared at Kiku and pushed her backwards so she hit into her bed before tossing an apple beside her...her only snack for the day.

"I hate you!" she yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Kiku. "Why is the Kazekage coming to your 6th birthday? I'm eight and he never came to mine...even when father was in the council!" She growled and pulled at her wavy brown hair in frustration.

"It's so not fair! I'm the pretty one, the smart one, the good one...I'm the one that's gonna marry someone rich and powerful...so why is it that you're the one he's visiting! You're not worth anything to this village. We're not allowed to be ninja 'cause mother said so...and you're too clumsy and ugly to ever make a good bride for anyone important! I don't get it! Why you!"

Kimi slammed her open hand harshly across her sister's face and stormed out of the room, the door locking shut again.

Kiku raised a hand to her cheek and felt her tears already falling down them.

Again, she thought of the impact words had. The sting of her sister's slap was already fading, but the sting of her words...Kiku knew they'd last a long time.

She truly felt worthless. She was only a small child and she already felt useless. She couldn't help her friend and she didn't understand anything that was going on anymore.

Kiku wondered, just like her sister, why the Kazekage had decided to go to her party. She figured she wouldn't know until she saw him.


	9. Chapter 9

The night before her birthday party Kiku woke to the sound of screams. Her eyes flew open at the sudden noise from outside and she pushed her covers to the side, jumping out of bed and running to the bedroom window.

Looking out past the neighboring houses she saw it. In the distance was a large Tanuki, larger than the houses. It was far away from her but she could see it's head along the skyline. Kiku stood, mouth agape at the sight, trembling as she stared at it. It let out a horrible scream that caused the small girl to cry out in fear when it turned its course in the direction of her own home.

The door of her room clicked to unlock before her mother came up behind her, followed closely by Kimi. Her mother did not ask her youngest child to follow her. Instead, her mother simply grabbed Kiku's hand and pulled her from the window and out of her room.

Kiku followed her and gripped her hand tightly. She ushered her children out of the house and into the crowded streets, ignoring the fact that the three of them were all dressed for bed. Everyone else was dressed the same at this time of night, running from the creature, trying to get far away to safety.

"Mother, what is that thing?" Kiku asked. She had never seen anything like it, not even in her worst nightmares. She never thought something that horrible existed.

"That," her mother spat, "is your little friend...Gaara."

Kiku shook her head in disbelief. Gaara was small and gentle. This creature destroying the village wasn't him. She couldn't believe that even though she could tell, from the look on her face, that her mother wasn't lying.

The young girl turned to look behind her and see it again, but it was no longer there. The screams died down and everyone stopped running.

"Kazekage-sama has subdued the Shukaku! Everyone please return home! Any wounded please follow me to the medics!"

A ninja was yelling orders, anbu by the looks of his outfit. Almost exactly like the one Kiku had found in her father's closet the previous year. She watched him guiding the people away and her mother pulled her back in the direction of their home, muttering about indecency of being seen in their nightdresses, as if she had just realized it.

"I guess Kiku's birthday is cancelled, right mother?" Kimi cheerfully asked.

The girls' mother cast a small glare in her oldest's daughter's direction.

"Of course not! It will go on as planned! Too much is riding on this for us to cancel it now!"

Kimi sighed and ran ahead to their house. When they all arrived, Kiku's mother simply told her to go to bed. She did not lock her in her room but Kiku was far too tired to go anywhere else but straight under her covers.

"They called it Shukaku..." she mumbled, yawning and burying her face in the pillows. "Shukaku...not Gaara...not him...something...else..."

With that she fell asleep to a nightmare. One where this creature set off on a chase to kill her...but one where Gaara was there to protect her, just like he'd promised her months before. Kiku knew he was stronger than this creature, and the following morning she woke up unafraid.

Chapter End Notes:

Well this took place the day Gaara was betrayed by Yashamaru...which hopefully you could tell sorta O.o (part of why Kiku's mother had to cause problems beforehand, so that Gaara really thought he had no one at that point and things happened just like normal for the most part.) Ummm...the next few chapters might not be too pretty, cuz I don't want to change Gaara's personality too much after this whole incident...and there's some needed filler in a few chapters...but things will definitely get better ^^ I promise :) 


	10. Chapter 10

"Mother...why do I have to do all this?" Kiku sighed, shifting in her seat while her mother dabbed a clear coat of lip gloss along the girl's bottom lip.

"Because we have important guests coming and you need to look your best to make a good first impression." She said, simply. She stood up and took a step back.

"You look just lovely Kiku." her mother remarked. "The spitting image of me as a child." She smiled, a far off look in her eyes as Kiku assumed she began remembering fond childhood memories, before she looked at her daughter's squirming form and sighed.

"If only you acted more like Kimi...you'd be perfect."

Kiku looked down at her pale blue shoes and frowned. She wished she looked like Kimi. Her sister looked just like their father, with sandy brown hair and golden brown eyes that matched his perfectly. Kimi had something to remember their father everytime she looked in the mirror. All Kiku had were the pots of chrysanthemums he helped her plant each year after her birthday. This would be the first year without them.

Kiku turned in her seat to look in the mirror, looking at the short ringlets gently framing her face,tilting her head down. She didn't want to cry with her mother nearby and she took a deep breath to regain her composure.

Her mother was digging through her drawers so Kiku rubbed her eyes quickly to make sure no tears showed up.

"Here we go!" Her mother said, pulling a golden, blue jeweled headband and walking back towards Kiku to place it on her head. "Now you're perfect!"

The child smiled just slightly, getting down from her seat and standing up so her mother could fluff the skirt of her dress. Kiku was glad she hadn't been yelled at so far. She twirled in a small circle, watching the pale blue skirt flow and she smiled.

"Thank you for the dress mother. It's very pretty. The headband too. " she said, smiling. Her mother smiled back and gently led her child out the door.

"Of course. The birthday girl has to be the center of attention and a new dress is the best way of getting it." her expression turned slightly hostile for a moment. "No punch this year for you though...or any colorful drink for that matter. You can have water...to prevent last years mishap from reoccuring."

Kiku nodded and followed her mother to the formal living room so that she could sit beside Kimi and wait for the guests to arrive.

One by one the highclass families arrived at the Hayama's house, each bringing large bags and boxes full of unnecessary things. Kiku's mother seemed overjoyed at the turnout, commenting on the large pile overtaking the corner of the room. Kiku could have cared less. She'd give most of it to her mother and sister anyway. She always did. She didn't care much for luxurious things.

She knew having a few expensive items was good, but the girl preferred simple things the majority of the time. Just simple things... like flowers. She went to stand by the door to greet any new guests that decided to show up.

Kiku couldn't help but think of Gaara. She wished he could have come to her party. It would have made everything better. She stood, staring at the floor and lost in thought, remembering the fun they both had. She didn't see the people heading to the door until they were there right in front of her.

"Happy Birthday, young one."

Kiku looked up into the face of the Kazekage. Her eyes opened wide and she opened her mouth to speak.

"T-Thank you Kazekage-sama!" she said, trying her best to smile at this intimidating person.

"Kazekage-sama!" Kiku turned to see her mother making her way from the other guests, making a beeline straight towards the new guests, swiftly and elegantly...just like always. "I'm so delighted you could join us...last nights events and all."

He shook his head and leaned closer to Kiku's mother. The small girl barely registered his voice whisper.

"About that, there is something we must discuss later when everyone has left. I have a request of your daughter."

Her mother nodded. "Of course."

Kiku was about to ask what he meant, but he turned to look behind him.

"Temari...Kankuro...don't be rude."

A dark haired boy stepped out from behind the Kazekage to his left and a blonde girl to his right. They looked to be about a year or two older than Kiku...probably around Kimi's age.

"Happy birthday..." they both muttered.

"Thanks." Kiku replied quietly.

Her mother smiled and pushed her daughter farther inside towards the party.

"Why don't you take Temari and Kankuro to play with your sister and the other children. Maybe you'll make some new friends."

Kiku nodded. She knew what her mother really meant. 'You and your sister need to befriend the children of the Kazekage so we can have a better social standing.'

Kiku led them towards the room the other children were all playing in. Her older sister sat in a chair, looking down on the group of girls seated at her feet. Kiku didn't know what story she was telling them but the group was all laughing quite loudly at whatever she had said.

"Oh, speak of the devil." her sister said sarcastically, waving a hand to Kiku. "Kiku-chan! Why don't you come over here to tell everyone about how you played house with that monster. You'd build it all up and he'd destroy it, right? That's how it went didn't it? He just loves to destroy things...your little friend Gaara, right?"

Kiku's hands balled into tight fists and she bit her lip trying not to respond harshly in front of everyone. She couldn't ruin the party again this year, and she had new guests. Kiku couldn't attack her sister in front of the kazekage's children. Her mother would be furious.

Instead she smiled politely and said, "Nothing like that, no. We just talked and played normal games like everyone else."

Kimi let out an exasperated breath. "Oh you're no fun Kiku-chan!"

"Stupid brats need to be smarter." mumbled the boy behind Kiku.

"Kankuro you're being rude." his sister nudged him with her elbow.

"I'm not being rude Temari! It's true. If this kid was smart she would have stayed away from Gaara like everyone else. It's stupid...this party is stupid. I don't want to hang around a bunch of sniveling brats!"

Kiku tried to ignore them and pointed behind her. "Kimi-onee-san, mother said to introduce you to the kazekage's children, Temari and Kankuro."

Kimi looked at them for a moment before jumping off the chair and making her way towards them.

"Hi! I'm Kimi. The older, not stupid sister." She latched herself onto Kankuro's arm and started to drag him towards her friends. "Come sit with me!"

Kankuro cast an annoyed glance at Kiku's sister then one to his own, but followed Kimi when his sister did nothing but smirk and wave.

Kimi spent the next two hours explaining to Kankuro just how perfect she was and how Kankuro would be lucky if he asked her to marry him when they grew older. He ignored her and glared daggers at the wall. Temari stood by trying not to laugh at her brother's misfortune. Kiku wished her sister would marry him...and make his life miserable instead of hers. Her first impression of him was that she didn't like him one bit.

Eventually Kiku settled to sit on the floor against the wall with Temari.

She looked at Kiku for a while and she started to feel uncomfortable.

"I don't get it. How could you like spending time with my brother? Didn't he scare you?" Kiku was going to ask her what she meant, thinking she was talking about Kankuro. However suddenly she realized something. She looked at this girl again and noted her blonde hair and green eyes. She looked a lot like the lady in the picture at Gaara's house.

"Gaara...?" Kiku asked hesitantly, afraid she was wrong and making a mistake.

Temari nodded. "He's a horrible person. How could you want to be around him? Father doesn't even make me and Kankuro see him much."

Kiku shook her head. "He's nice and gentle and sweet. He's not a monster like everyone says."

Temari frowned at the younger girl. "He is...that monster yesterday was the thing that lives inside my brother. They're the same thing...they just look different...but they both hurt people...and kill them."

"He never hurt me..." Kiku whispered.

"Maybe not yet!" Temari snapped, "He didn't harm uncle Yashamaru either...and now he's dead and it's all Gaara's fault!" Temari got up and walked away, Kankuro saw her and escaped Kimi's grasp to follow her.

Kiku didn't move, her mind trying to understand what Temari had just said. Yashamaru was dead? Gaara's fault? Kiku couldn't believe something like that. Gaara cared about Yashamaru more than anything.

Her thoughts ran rapidly through her head...and then the party was over. She didn't even realize it until her mother was calling her, motioning for her to come closer.

"The Kazekage needs to speak to you, dear."

Chapter End Notes:

Writing with a little Temari and Kankuro is kinda hard O.o hopefully they weren't that horrible Dx Also, Kiku doesn't pay much attention to the families in Suna much and didn't really know who Gaara's relatives were (aside from Yashamaru) even though she started to pick up he was related to the kazekage...she just wasn't 100% sure and never bothered to ask. O.o ...but now she knows ^^ Next chapter will be up soon :)


	11. Chapter 11

Scared. That was the only feeling Kiku could think of as she sat in the kitchen chair, her mother and the kazekage both staring down at her.

"I heard you befriended my son, Gaara." The kazekage stepped towards the small girl, kneeling to be at her eye level. She nodded her head slowly. Kiku didn't like the look he was giving her.

"Y-yes Kazekage-sama. I-is that a bad thing?"

"No, actually right now it could turn out to be a very good thing." He frowned and cast a look to the door to be sure the other children were still away from the room. He turned his attention back to Kiku.

"Before his death, Yashamaru told me you and Gaara frequently had picnics together. Is that right?"

She nodded.

The kazekage stood back up.

"Good. So tonight will just be a common occurance."

He nodded to Kiku's mother and she started to pack some of the leftover party snacks and cake into a bento box, shaking a small container of what Kiku suppossed were sprinkles on top.

"What do you mean, Kazekage-sama?" The child asked, quietly. "Am I supposed to do something?"

The kazekage seemed to think for a moment before nodding.

"Yes, little one. Consider this a mission...like something your father used to do for this village. It's very very important. You want to help the village, right?"

She nodded and smiled. "An important mission? What is it?"

The Kazekage pointed at the bento her mother was wrapping up.

"Gaara's been a little troublesome recently...so I think that since you two were so close you could help everyone by giving him some food from your party. It might help things settle down."

Kiku tried to understand and gave a questioning look to the Kazekage.

"So...Gaara's upset so I can have a picnic with him and make things better?"

"I guess you could look at it like that." He said.

"Well if he was sad why didn't he just come to my party?"

She didn't get a response.

"It's all done." her mother said quietly, holding out the small box. "Kiku...why don't you change into something else. I don't want that dress to be ruined from playing outside."

Kiku hopped out of the seat and left the room quickly, the door closed behind her and she ran to her room. She slipped the dress off, leaving it on the floor while she threw on a simple brown dress as fast as possible. She pulled off the headband and tossed it onto the bed as she ran out the door.

Kiku rarely changed that fast, but she couldn't wait to see Gaara again. A wide smile spread across her face just thinking about it, but the smile was quickly washed away as she approached the door.

"...what if he notices it's poisoned and hurts her? My daughter could be killed!"

Her mother's voice was quiet but forceful.

"I understand he's gone out of control, but if what Yashamaru said is true, then Gaara trusts your daughter quite a bit. He won't suspect anything. We just need him to take a bite or two of the food. Once that poison we added is in his system he'll be dead before he realizes it and has a chance to hurt her...and if by some chance it does come to that, I promise there will be more money to help ease the loss. This needs to be done soon. He's become more of a liability than an asset to this village and he needs to be stopped while he's still young enough to do so."

Kiku shot a hand up to her mouth, eyes opened wide in shock. They didn't want her to play with Gaara to cheer him up, they wanted her to kill him. Kiku knew her mother wouldn't agree to something like this... would she?

"Well...I guess we'll just hope for a favorable outcome I suppose." was her mother's only response.

Kiku didn't know what to do. It wasn't like she could yell at the kazekage and tell him he was wrong. The villagers of Suna had to respect and follow the order's of the Kazekage. He was in charge and she couldn't tell him what he was doing was wrong. She was just a little girl. She'd just get her whole family in trouble...but she couldn't kill Gaara. She just couldn't. Kiku stood silently outside the door for a few minutes, running the thoughts through her head.

"What's taking her so long..." she heard her mother mumble before the door swung open. Her mother looked down at her and grabbed the child's hand, smiling.

"There you are sweetie...here take the bento."

She placed the bento in Kiku's hands and started to push her through the kitchen to the back door of the house.

Before she even realized what was going on, Kiku was being led by the kazekage through the streets of Suna.

"I'll be nearby to make sure nothing happens to you, but don't mention that I'm around, alright."

Kiku felt her head nod.

"Now Gaara will probably be outside of Yashamaru's house right now. Just tell him you were sorry he missed your party and that you brought him some cake. Once he starts to eat it just come back here and find me, ok?"

She nodded again, her eyes filling with tears. The Kazekage stopped at the end of the road, and pushed her forward to keep walking towards Gaara's home.

She walked slowly, hoping the whole time that he wouldn't be there. If he wasn't there then she wouldn't have to do this. She hoped and hoped that luck would be on her side.

...it wasn't.

She saw Gaara almost immediately upon reaching his home. She could never miss that red hair. It always caught Kiku's attention so fast.

His back was to her and he was staring up at the night sky.

"Gaara?"

Kiku's voice was just a whisper but he heard her and turned around. Kiku gasped.

It looked as if someone had carved a word on his forehead. She thought it looked like the word 'love' but it was dark and she wasn't the best reader at her age, so she wasn't entirely sure...and his eyes. The look in his eyes was almost empty. It was like he just wasn't all there anymore.

"W-what happened to your forehead? You're hurt." Kiku reached a hand towards him, but found herself pushed back by a wall of sand.

Gaara got up and stepped towards her.

"Liars...all the same. You all just want to get rid of me!" he yelled, "why?"

"I-I don't know!" Kiku yelled back. "I don't get it either!"

For a second he seemed shocked, she saw a flash of the real Gaara. Kiku pushed the bento into his hands tearfully.

"I-I brought this from my party." she said loudly, hoping the kazekage could hear it. Gaara opened the box and she lowered her head and dropped her voice low so only Gaara could hear her.

"Don't eat it...they poisoned it. I don't know why but they did."

Gaara dropped the box, his gaze turning cold, and a wave of sand swung against her, knocking her to the ground hard. Kiku let out a small gasp of pain as her elbow connected hard against a rock.

"Why can't I just exist!"

The sand swirled around them and then Gaara ran off. He probably hated her now, but he wasn't dead. Kiku at least grateful for that.

She sat up whimpering and a few moments later the kazekage was at her side.

"Why did he say my bento was bad?" she asked, lying. Kiku hoped the kazekage believed Gaara knew of it's intentions on his own and hadn't overheard her.

The kazekage cursed under his breath and picked the small girl up. Blood dripped onto the ground and she looked at the scrapes and small gash on her arm.

"Nevermind that." he said. "I just have to think of another plan."

The trip to the medic was silent after that.

The kazekage left Kiku with a kind young woman who bandaged her up. It hurt a lot, but Kiku didn't complain. The medic's name was Emiko, and she stayed with Kiku until her mother came to see her. Emiko was sweet and she talked about working as a medic nin. Kiku thought it sounded like a great job for helping people and told the medic how she wanted to grow up and have a job like that. Emiko laughed and told her it required a lot of training and lots of chakra. Kiku wondered how much chakra she herself possessed had, and Emiko told her that there were tests to find out. She told Kiku about ninja training and how much fun it was and how she had been about Kiku's age when she started.

The girl was having a great time listening to all of Emiko's stories when her mother finally decided to show up. She'd been there for nearly 2 hours.

"Is her arm alright? Will she be deformed?" Those were the first words from her mother's mouth as she made her way into the room.

Emiko just smiled and shook her head. "She'll be fine. It will heal up nicely. I already started her on the healing process. Nothing will look out of place I promise you."

Kiku's mother let out a sigh of relief.

"You've got a tough little girl there." said Emiko as she walked the two to the door. "Didn't cry one bit while she was here." She pat the child's head gently and Kiku smiled proudly.

"Have you thought of sending her to Ninja training? We could use another brave little kunoichi in Suna."

Kiku looked to her mother hopefully, wanting to live a life like the one Emiko had been describing, but her mother scowled at the woman.

"No child of mine will ever be a ninja. This one will be married off to someone respectable so she won't have to stoop that low."

Kiku could tell Emiko was displeased but she politely waved goodbye as her mother dragged Kiku back home.

The next day Kiku stayed in bed, but her mother brought her all of her favorite foods. She said Kiku's birthday went better than expected.

All Kiku could think was that it had been the worst birthday she could ever imagine.


	12. Chapter 12

For a whole year Kiku didn't see Gaara, not in passing, not at all. She had tried a few times to wait at the playground. She'd sit all alone in the hopes that maybe, just maybe he'd show up and she could explain to him what happened the night of her birthday. She didn't understand how everyone could treat him so badly, and the thought that he probably lumped her in as one of them hurt the girl deeply. She wasn't like them at all.

Kiku started to listen to town gossip, something she never cared for before. She was small and not easily noticed so she heard a great deal of what the adults talked about. She used it to get information on Gaara. He had become a great talk among the town. After her 6th birthday there were five more attempts at Gaara's life, or so she heard. None of them suceeded...something she was greatful for. Then those rumors suddenly stopped.

Kiku never had a seventh birthday party. Three weeks before, her family recieved a letter from Konoha. Kiku's aunt and her husband had been killed...they left behind four children. Four cousins that Kiku had never met. She had never seen her mother cry so much in her life, not even after father's death. Her twin sister's death hit her mother hard, and she soon left Kiku and Kimi in the care of a neighbor while she traveled to Konoha. She was gone for over a week. She sent her daughters letters with some alarming news.

Two of the girls' cousins, the boys Kenji and Kei, were Konoha ninja, and therefore had to stay in their village. The girls, however, had never passed the academy and were to be sent to live with Kiku's family, as they were their only relatives. Nobody thought the boys could handle the care of their sisters, and Kiku's mother was their only option.

The week of Kiku's birthday, her mother and cousins arrived home. There were two girls following sorrowfully behind her mother. The older one, Kana, was 15, with light brown hair and green eyes. She looked like her father, much like Kimi resembled hers. Her personality matched Kimi's closely as well. Kiku did not like this cousin one bit. Her own twin brother was a ninja, but she had quit the academy because she said it wasn't ladylike and wanted to be more like her namesake, Kiku's mother Kanako. The thought sickened Kiku. Kana had given up the life of a ninja for the boring life her family led. Kiku just couldn't understand her.

The other one was a year younger than Kiku, and when she first stepped out from behind her mother Kiku could have sworn her eyes were failing her. The expression on the little girl's face told Kiku that she thought the same thing.

"You look like me..." the youngest cousin whispered, stepping forward to inspect Kiku. She grabbed Kiku's face between her small hands and turned it to each side carefully. She finally let them drop and stepped back shaking her head.

"Nope, your eyes are different...hair too." She smiled just slightly. "Not a very good transformation jutsu." She folded her arms across her chest. "Couldn't pull off copying Okarina, now could you?"

"T-transformation jutsu?" Kiku looked the girl over. Okarina was a tad bit shorter than her, but her face looked almost exactly the same. However, where Kiku's eyes were a pure and pale blue, hers were leaning more towards green. Her hair was dark purple just like Kiku's as well, but where Kiku's curled, Okarina's lay flat. Okarina was right, almost the same but not quite. They both had their mothers' faces apparently.

Kana nudged her younger sister.  
>"Okarina...she doesn't know what you're talking about."<p>

Okarina, cast a look at her sister, then looked at Kiku, then back to her sister.

"How can she not know transformation jutsu? That's basic...I mean, you're kidding right?" Okarina laughed like she was hearing a joke. "Next thing I know you'll tell me she's never heard of shadow clones."

"...what's a shadow clone?" Kiku looked at her cousin curiously. She was a little odd.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Okarina! Hush! Auntie never forced her daughters to attend ninja classes so of course they don't know that stuff."

Okarina put a hand on both Kiku's shoulders and looked her dead in the eye.

"Do you know what chakra is?"

Kiku nodded her head "Doesn't everyone?"

The small girl smiled wide and gave Kiku a hug. "Oh thank goodness! You're not hopeless! I can make you a ninja yet, we'll both be one, you'll see. It's tons of fun!"

"Okarina!"

The girl jumped and looked at her aunt.

"...sorry auntie..." she mumbled. "I forgot..."

The little girl walked past everyone and up the stairs silently. Kiku looked to her mother questioningly.

"Kiku...go show Okarina-chan to your room."

"Yes mother."

Kiku walked up the stairs to join the girl, her new roommate for the next few years. Kiku's home had three guest rooms, and her mother had given one of them to Kana. However she felt she needed to keep the other for actual guests, in case she had anyone important stay the night.

Since Kiku's room was relatively large for a little girl and both children were roughly the same age, Kanako had moved another bed into her youngest daughter's room so that Kiku and Okarina could share. Her things arrived before she'd gotten there. Kiku really hoped she could deal with her, or the next few years could be absolutely horrible.

As the two entered their room and closed the door Okarina looked at Kiku curiously.

"Which one is my bed?" she asked, looking at the identical pink sheeted beds sitting across from eachother. Kiku's mother liked things to match and had gotten the same set as hers for her cousin.

Kiku pointed to the one on the right and Okarina went over to it, laying out on her stomach and burying her face against the pillow. Kiku sat on her own bed and watched her.

"I was going to be a ninja, you know." Okarina said, turning her face to look at Kiku. "I was going to be one just like my mom and dad...I was gonna be an anbu. They were going to be so proud."

Her eyes filled with tears and they slowly made their way down her cheeks. "I practice real hard, all the time, but I guess it doesn't matter now. This isn't fair!"

Kiku felt sorry for her. She knew that nobody from Konoha would be permited to take Ninja classes in Suna... no matter how young they were.

They would never trust her...Okarina would be forced to live a life much like her own. They would both be forced to live the boring life of a civilian while simply dreaming of accomplishing something greater. It wasn't fair, Kiku agreed.

That night, Kiku went to sit with her cousin while she cried. When she finally stopped and the two curled up together in Okarina's bed to sleep, Kiku finally felt like she had made a real friend. Her first real friend since Gaara. Though the thought made her happy for a moment, a sense of sadness crept in, overshadowing it.

Now Kiku had someone to relate to...had Gaara finally done the same? Or was he still alone and miserable?


	13. Chapter 13

"Now the trick is to control your chakra so you can walk properly. If you use to much then you can't walk...but too little and...SPLAT!...you're gonna fall. You should join me up here...it's pretty good practice."

Kiku stood in her bedroom doorway and stared open mouthed at the girl hanging upside down from her ceiling.

"Okarina! What are you doing?" she quietly hissed, shutting the door and locking it. She was grateful her mother and sister had both stepped out for the day for a shopping trip with Kana...but she still wasn't sure when they'd be back. Kiku certainly didn't want them to see this.

Everyone figured Okarina had given up on her dreams of being a ninja. Kiku, on the other hand was the only one who really knew what was going on.

In the last 6 months since she'd arrived, Kiku's younger cousin had let her in on her biggest secret...a set of scrolls Okarina had stolen from her brothers, full of explanations and practice exercises for several different jutsu.

Even though she was forbiden to, she refused to stop practicing. Kiku thought it pretty admirable that she had so strong a dream, and offered to help her keep it a secret.

Okarina only practiced when she was away from people, and Kiku typically played the part of her lookout. It was normally quite easy to keep her out of trouble.

Sometimes, however, Okarina was just a little too much for her to handle...like now, running around on their ceiling...with the window wide open.

Kiku ran across the room and pulled the curtains over the window.

"Hey, now it's dark! ...Ah.."

An audible thump could be heard from behind and Kiku turned to see Okarina sitting on the ground.

"Ow..." She grumbled, standing up and rubbing her sore backside before flipping the bedroom lights on. "...made me lose concentration..."

"Remember we can't have anyone see." Kiku reminded her. "If you want to keep practicing, then nobody can know. It's our secret, remember?"

She nodded and the two girls sat on the side of Kiku's bed. It was quiet for a moment before Okarina spoke up.

"Hey Kiku-chan...have you ever thought of actually practicing this stuff too? I can lend you my scrolls and help you practice. It's just... not as fun doing this all by myself." She sighed and leaned back against the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

Kiku shook her head.

"I can't... I'm not allowed. Mother would never let me be a ninja so it's pointless."

Okarina turned to look at Kiku and shoved her gently.

"I'm not allowed either, remember...but I'm still doing it. I mean it never hurts to practice. Maybe one day she'll change her mind." She shrugged. "You might as well be ready when that day comes...besides...since when has doing the things she told you ever worked out?"

Kiku frowned and lay back too. Okarina was right. Mother was the reason Kiku had betrayed Gaara's trust. She's the reason Kiku lost her best friend. She was the reason Kiku almost had to kill him. If she kept doing exactly as her mother said Kiku knew she'd never have a happy life.

Kiku furrowed her brow and bit her lip. Maybe if she just practiced in secret so her mother didn't know...

"I want to do it." Kiku said quietly.

"What did you say?" Okarina rolled over onto her stomach and lifted herself up to look down at Kiku.

"I said I want to practice. You're right... And I want to practice to be a ninja too."

She looked at Kiku, speechless for a moment. Okarina really hadn't expected her to agree.

A sudden squeal of excitement passed her lips and she jumped off the bed to grab her scrolls.

Kiku sat up and Okarina came back to sit beside her so they could read them together and begin their 'lesson'.

"Now the first thing you should learn are the proper hand signs..."

For the rest of the night, until the others returned home, Okarina explained as much as she could, and Kiku readily listened, hoping to remember as much information as possible.

'If I could be a powerful ninja...' Kiku thought. 'Maybe people would respect me enough to listen to my opinion...and I could tell them that Gaara isn't bad. Then maybe he'll trust me again...'

It was a bit of flawed logic, but it gave her a new goal.

Some day, she would be a Kunoichi of Suna...and someday she would rebuild her friendship with Gaara.


	14. Chapter 14

The years passed by rather quickly. When Kiku was 9, Kana was married off to a succesfull store owner from somewhere in the land of wind. Kiku never bothered to visit her oldest cousin after the wedding. Kana seemed happy enough, but Kiku never cared much for her in the first place. Kana was nicer than Kimi, but she was just so boring. It wasn't much different with her being gone.

After a while, Kana's old bedroom was given to Okarina. Kiku no longer had a roommate.

For the next few years, Kiku and Okarina began to take mother's teachings seriously, in the hopes that they could put up a good enough facade to hide what they were doing behind her back.

Both girls' cooking skills flourished, they were sweet and polite in public, and a graceful and charming addition to important social gatherings. Kiku's mother even noted, proudly, that they both seemed to obtain such lady like grace overnight. Kimi, on the other hand, hated them for it. She could never stand being upstaged in anything, and she did her best to outshine the younger girls every chance that she could.

Neither of them cared though. This was only a front they both had put up to hide their true intentions. Whenever Kanako and Kimi were away, or whenever Okarina and Kiku had time to themselves, they would steal away and practice from Okarina's scrolls. They would put in countless hours of ninjutsu practice in their rooms during the days, and at night they would both sneak off through an open window to practice their taijutsu away from everyone. Neither girl was much good at the hand to hand fighting, as Okarina was rather clumsy and Kiku was rather timid, but they enjoyed it none the less.

Kiku was worried about being so secretive, but she and Okarina both felt that it was worth it. They were both very good at hiding their secret, at least that was what they both believed.

Maybe it was overconfidence on Okarina's part, that led to Kanako's discovery...or maybe it was just fate. Kiku would never really know. Okarina didn't tell her exactly what happened, but Kiku was there when her mother angrily dragged the girl into their home.

"How dare you do that foolishness in my presence, you horrible little girl. After everything I sacrificed to help you and your sister! THIS is the thanks I get?" Kiku's mother shoved Okarina into a kitchen chair and glared at her. Okarina glared back.

"I don't see why it's such a problem..." the girl mumbled.

"It is a problem! This is my home! These are MY rules. All this ninja garbage was supposed to be wiped out of your mind years ago. What would your parents think about you doing all this behind my back? Hmmm?"

Okarina scoffed. "They'd be very proud of me, Auntie...in case you're forgetting, both of my parents were ninja. Being secretive is part of the job description sometimes."

Kiku stood on the stairs, watching. She knew this wasn't going to turn out well.

"Well look where there job got them, Okarina-chan. Dead in the ground with three useless brats following in their footsteps."

"There were four of us..."Okarina whispered.

Kanako smirked. The hushed tone of Okarina's voice proved that she was getting to her. The woman leaned in closer.

"Only three useless brats. Your sister knew her place and did what was expected. I won't lump her in with the lot of you. If being a ninja is what you want I'll send you back with your brothers before they die too. Then maybe you'll realize the stupid mistake you're making."

Okarina stood up and pushed past her aunt. When she got to the top of the stairs, she turned and pointed a finger at the woman.

"If anyone in my family deserved to die, it would be you. My real family worked hard to protect others, you only live to protect yourself. You're a horrible, useless woman. You don't deserve to share the same face as my mother, because you're NOT my family!"

With that, Okarina stormed off to her room. Kiku stood frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Her mother didn't seem angry with her, so she could at least tell that Okarina hadn't told on her as well. She wasn't a snitch like Kimi. Okarina was going to be a kunoichi...she'd never sell out a teammate. That was why Kiku had always respected her so much. She expected her younger cousin to always be there, but her mother was always there to drive away those Kiku care for.

Kiku's cousins first arrived when she was 7 years old...and the last one left when she was 11. It wasn't even a week after their fight when Kiku's mother had her neice sent back to Konoha. Both girls cried the entire night before, and into the following day. Kiku was the only one to see Okarina out of Suna...Kanako and Kimi wouldn't be bothered. Kiku stood at the edge of the village and hugged her cousin tightly. She didn't want to let go. She didn't want her to go away.

"I promise I'll become a powerful Kunoichi, Kiku-chan. So you have to promise me something too."

Kiku looked at her and nodded.

"Just promise me you won't let that woman control your life. Don't let her scare you away from the things that you want, because her perspective on life is twisted. Once we're older we'll meet up again...and I better hear that you accomplished something cool!" She giggled and Kiku smiled.

"I will." she said.

Okarina's ninja guide beconed for her to follow and she walked towards him.

"You better or I'll use my new ninja skills to kick your butt!" She laughed and gave Kiku one last wave before she and her guide took off towards Konoha.

Kiku felt crushed, just like when she was a little girl and she'd lost Gaara. She was all alone again, and just like last time, her family didn't care.

Chapter end note:

Sorry this is rushed...Gaara shows up again next chapter though. ^^"


	15. Chapter 15

Kiku had grown to love the nighttime. She loved to watch the moon and stars shimmering brightly in the dark blue sky. She loved the feel of the night's cool air. It was never cold, but without the sun one was able to avoid the immense heat that went with it. Okarina and Kana loved this time most of all, as they couldn't stand Suna's heat... and Kiku had eventually grown to enjoy it too.

Now her cousins were gone, but Kiku still enjoyed this time...even when she was alone. She remembered something Okarina had told her once, about how no matter who you are or where you are, everyone sees the same moon. She used to say that it kept her connected to her brothers and friends in Konoha in some small way.

Kiku liked to watch it and hope that, at that moment, the people she missed were watching it with her...Okarina...and Gaara. She wanted one thing that could still tie her to them, and she found that in watching the moon. It took away some of the loneliness that she felt.

It was because she loved the night that she accepted her mothers request to go get the family some drinks from the store so late. It gave Kiku time to watch the sky, as the only store open that time of night was rather far from their house.

She'd made this trip many times with Okarina, but it was so different with her gone...so quiet. Kiku played with her simple gold necklace, twirling it around her finger before playing with the clasp on her bag. Kiku's mother hadn't bothered to count the money she gave her daughter, and had given her much more than she needed for drinks. Kiku wondered if she should get herself a snack while she was at it.

A cough from directly behind her made the girl turn around. She didnt recognize these strangers one bit.

One look at the sneering pair of men set her heart racing and she wondered how she could get out of this.

The next thing she knew, however, she was being dragged and shoved against the alley wall by the smaller of the two.

"Stop it! Let me go!" Kiku screamed, hoping someone would hear her at this time of night. She cursed her luck.

"Now listen, princess, just give us that necklace and anything else you got on you, and maybe we'll think of letting you go." the one holding her smiled wickedly, hands squeezing her small arms harshly. She winced, and tried to squirm away.

"Let me go!" she yelled again.

The taller man stepped closer to the two and Kiku's eyes widened at the glistening object in his hand.

"I don't think princess wants to play along yet." He laughed, moving his friend aside, waving the kunai in her face. "Do you want to play along, princess? We just need some money...you have some, don't you?"

Kiku felt her head nod and she looked to her bag. The taller man's eyes filled with greed and he cut the bag from her side. He started to dig through it.

"Well, you really are a princess, aren't you?" He pulled the money her mother had given her from the bag. The other loosened his grip on the girl before letting go slightly to look at the money himself.

Noticing they were suddenly distracted, Kiku shoved the shorter man as hard as she could and turned to run away, screaming.

She only made it to the edge of the alley before she was grabbed again. Speed was not something she was known for.

Kiku knew she was done for, they wouldn't let her go again. Her eyes shut and she let out one final scream, hoping someone would hear.

A searing pain ripped across her side and the man's grip dissapeared. Kiku's eyes shot back open and she was face to face with someone she'd hoped to see for the longest time.

So much older than she remembered...but it was definitelly him. Kiku's heart pounded harsh against her chest.

"Gaara..." she whispered quietly, wincing and looking down at the thin, deep gash along her side. Kiku turned to look behind her and let out a gasp. The man that had grabbed her was now kneeling on the ground, clutching at the sand through his side. She briefly saw the sand go through his friend as well before they were comletely encased in it.

"Sand burial..."

Kiku heard Gaara's words and the screams of her attackers...then silence as red sand fell to the ground around her.

Kiku didn't know what to do. She couldn't understand what just happened. She wasn't sure if she should be happy or scared. Her mind was just a flurry of thoughts and she stood there motionless.

The thin string of sand winding its way around her neck finally pulled her back to reality. Kiku looked at Gaara and he glared back. Those eyes...they were the same as always...but they no longer held their childish gaze. They were only full of hate...recognition and hate.

The sand tightened around the petite girl's throat, lifting her feet off the ground and she knew he was going to kill her too.

'This is my fault.' she thought, 'He's like this because of me.' The thoughts and memories rushed through her head.

'If only I'd stood up to mother that night, or denied the Kazekage's request...maybe I'd still have the old Gaara...not this... Maybe this is my punishment for those mistakes.' Kiku's expression showed her sadness, not fear, and Gaara's glare only intensified.

"Don't look at me like that!" He ordered.

Tears filled her eyes but she couldn't take her eyes off of him. The sand slowly tightened and she had trouble making much sound, but she whispered the one thing she wished to say if she was going to die.

"I'm sorry...Gaara-kun."

The sand tightened, cutting off all air from Kiku's lungs before it froze for a moment.

"Don't say that!" He yelled.

The sand dropped and she fell to her knees gasping for air.

Gaara clutched his head and screamed.  
>The sand rushed at her again, as she tried to stand up, swirling all around. Small cuts formed all along her body from the rough grains flying past her. Kiku's attention moved back to the throbbing gash in her side and she saw the pool of blood it had formed on the ground.<p>

She suddenly felt dizzy.

Kiku tried to walk and stumbled forward, falling to her knees again.

Gaara slowly looked back to the girl, his head pounding, screaming at him to kill her...to prove his existence...but that face and those eyes...they made him remember things he tried to forget. It wouldn't let him go through with it.

Then he saw the blood...there was so much. She was dying anyway, he thought...he could leave her and ignore those eyes. His existence was still proven. He chuckled darkly and backed away from her. He turned to leave...he felt like going home now.

Kiku watched him go, and tears continued to fall from her eyes.

'This is my fault...'

She turned over to lay on her back and stared blankly at the moon. The last thing she remembered before blacking out was the sound of footsteps. 

Chapter End Notes:

So Gaara's back...kinda...  
>This is before he leaves for the chunin exams so he was still pretty kill happy...so...yeah...o.o It doesn't end well for anyone who bumps into Gaara at night...or ever at this point...I didn't want Kiku to be too much different in that respect...just a little bit different cuz of their history together. Hopefully it didn't suck too bad XD<p> 


	16. Chapter 16

"Hayama-san...Hayama-san?"

"Is she awake yet?"

"She's not responding."

Kiku could hear voices all around her, but she had no idea what was going on. She tried to open her eyes but they were so heavy. Instead, she decided to stop fighting it and slipped back into the darkness of her own mind.

"Kiku-chan?"

Gaara stood before her...the little Gaara. He was leaning against the side of his house looking up at the sky.

'What is this? A memory?' she wondered.

"Kiku-chan? Do you think I'm a monster?"

She watched tears fall down his face. She remembered this...the first time she really saw Gaara cry.

"Everyone thinks I'm a monster. They all hate me...and I don't understand why." He sank to the ground, sitting on the sand. He burried his face in his hands.

It was suddenly quiet.

Yes, Kiku remembered this.

"I don't think you're a monster, Gaara-kun..." her quiet voice spoke out and Gaara looked at her. "...even if you were...I'd still be your friend. Forever and ever...no matter what. I'd never hate you."

'Forever and ever no matter what...'

Then Gaara seemed to change before her eyes. Now before her stood Gaara...as he was when he attacked her...no tears...just eyes full of hate.

'You'd promised...'

"Hayama-San!"

Kiku's eyes flew open and she gasped, breathing fast.

She looked around...casting a curious look at the three strangers standing around her.

"W-where am I?" she asked.

"Oh thank goodness..." the blonde girl to her left let out a sigh of relief. She turned to the other two.

"Good job you guys...you can go on your break now if you want."

The other two smiled and left, saying they'd be back so the blonde could take her break next.

"W-what's going on?" Kiku started to sit up, wincing slightly in pain at the movement. Her side was throbbing, but she sat up to get a better look at her surroundings.

"Be careful." The blonde ordered. "we just spent 3 hours fixing you up, don't move around just yet."

She saw Kiku's puzzled expression and sighed.

"You're lucky you're alive, you know...I haven't been able to save a single person who's been attacked by Gaara...none of the medics have." A small smile graced her face. "Maybe I'll get a bonus for this."

"You're a medic?" Kiku looked the girl over. She only looked about 4...maybe 5 years older than herself.

The blonde nodded.

"Been doing this for 2 years. I started off with my genin team, but eventually Kazekage-sama placed me in the Village's hospital for emergencies. We've been running low on staff recently." She sighed. "Everyone wants to work on the field instead of here...it pays better cuz it's 'harder'"

"So...you can be a ninja and not leave the village?"

Kiku was suddenly intrigued. She shifted a little to face the medic, ignoring the pain it caused.

"Be careful!" the girl yelled at Kiku's movement before nodding. "It's easy for medics. Harder to find any decent payed missions inside the village without medic skills though."

The blonde smiled. "Are you thinking of becoming a medic?"

Kiku nodded and the other girl giggled excitedly.

"But I don't think my mom would let me take ninja classes...she's totally against it. " Kiku mumbled.

The medic looked the younger child over and thought for a moment.

"Do you know the basics? Chakra control, hand signs, things like that?"

Kiku nodded. "I practice on my own."

The blonde smiled again.

"Then all you really NEED to do is speak to the council and request they test you for work at the hospital. We're really understaffed right now. So long as you pass the test they'll assign you a medic to teach you the job. If you're at least 12 you don't need your parents to sign you up for anything. Most ninjas start young anyway. I was 10 when I became an official genin, personally." She smiled proudly.

The door knocked and a black haired man stepped in, one of the two who'd left the room earlier.

"Aya-San you can get something to eat now. I'll watch the patient."

"Oh goodie! I'm starving!"

Aya clapped her hands together and walked towards the door, turning once more to look at Kiku.

"I'll talk to my superiors for you, Hayama-San. Once your better I'll try and help you out...no worries." She winked and left the room.

Kiku slowly lay back down. Maybe ending up in the hospital was a good thing.

Chapter End notes:

I just want to thank everyone who's been reviewing! :) I really appreciate it. ^^ It keeps me motivated to keep writing chapters...and I've got quite a bit planned for this story. :D Sorry if the chapters seemed a little rushed...I'll try and work on that as soon as my schedule evens out and I can think more. lol.

Oh...and Noel Ardnek gets a cookie for figuring out my thought process on the whole Gaara save/attacking Kiku scene. ^^


	17. Chapter 17

"Useless!" Kiku's mother screamed. "You're ruined! Completely worthless now! How could you let this happen?"

It was Kiku's first day back home since her run-in with Gaara. She'd been in the hospital for a week. Her mother only visited her once. After she talked to the doctors the first day Kiku arrived there she never showed up again. Apparently she'd wanted to save all conversation for the privacy of their own home.

Kiku ignored her mother's yelling and settled onto her bed. She was still too sore to argue. She figured her mother would eventually just run out of steam.

"Nobody's going to want a deformed bride! How are we supposed to survive if you both aren't perfect?"

Kiku's mother continued to yell...but Kiku knew she wasn't to blame. It was just an accident.

It wasn't Kiku's fault she'd been hurt and it wasn't like the girl had intended to wind up with the thin 14" wound that went from her stomach to her back. It wasn't her fault the medics said she'd be left with a permanent scar...but her mother didn't see it that way.

"Who would possibly marry you now, Kiku?"

Her high pitched screams were giving the young girl a headache. She just wanted her mother to stop.

"We won't know until I'm older mother. Maybe it'll dissapear by then... I don't know! I'm tired...I'm in pain...and I'm going to bed. You should just be glad I didn't die and leave you stuck with my funeral payments!"

Her mother stopped yelling. Kiku turned to lay on her good side and burried her face in the pillows. This whole thing was just about money...that was it.

Kiku resented her mother so much. She'd always figured, to some extent, that she didn't mean much to mother. She and Kimi were just supposed to do as told and marry who their mother told them to...just like Kana had done. The prettier and more sophisticated she could make her girls ensured a higher place on the status ladder for them to marry into...with their mother following along on their coattails for the ride.

A little part of Kiku had wanted to believe that her mother cared more than that, but when she didn't even show up to see how her daughter was doing after nearly being killed...and when Kiku had to walk back home alone after being released...the girl lost all hope in that. As soon as her mother heard she'd been 'ruined' she lost any real concern she might have had for her youngest daughter. Kiku was certain that was how things were.

Kiku heard the door click shut behind her mother as she left. The girl turned her head to look out the window, bitter and lost in thought.

'If I'm already 'useless'...I guess it really won't matter if I become a kunoichi now.' she mumbled.


	18. Chapter 18

"Aha~! Looks like you're healing up nicely!" Aya's high pitched squeel of delight caught Kiku off guard and the young girl chuckled. She rolled her shirt back down and pat it into place.

It had been almost a month since her initial trip to the hospital and she'd stopped in a few times to check in with Aya. The young medic taken a great interest in Kiku, as a potential medic-nin, and offered to help her out as much as she could...when she wasn't busy with work.

Kiku's wound was healing, though she could tell the medics had been right...the scar would probably never heal completely. It was a little bit sore to the touch as well, but the pain was so miniscule she didn't bother with it. Kiku had shown up at the hospital today to see if she was healed enough to take her test. Aya's extra happy mood led Kiku to believe she was. The blonde medic's words finally confirmed it.

"You could probably walk in and take your test today!" she exclaimed. "No medical reason you can't." She smiled brightly. "I can take you when you go for your test. Show you where to go and stuff...whenever you decide to take it just let me know."

"Could we go tomorrow?" Kiku stood up, getting down from the examination table, and straightened her skirt. The kunoichi hopeful looked at the older girl hopefully. Kiku really wanted to do this as soon as possible.

"Of course! I'm working all day tomorrow though...so I'll take you during my break." Aya nodded happily then stopped for a moment, becoming slightly serious. "I can't stay while you're testing though. It's really long and I'll have to get back to work...ummm...will you be able to make it home alright? You won't get lost?"

Kiku nodded, laughing. "I know my way around the village...lived here my whole life. I'll even stop by here to let you know how it went before going home."

"Awesome! I can't wait then!"

Kiku smiled. Aya was a really cool person...so bubbly and happy with such a passion for being a medic-nin. In a way the older girl made Kiku think of Okarina.

She really missed her cousin. She'd only recieved 2 letters from her since she left. They were rather lengthy...but still, it was less than Kiku had hoped for. She could understand why though and never pushed the subject. Okarina been really busy settling back in...but at least she seemed happy.

Okarina managed to pass her own test to become a genin shortly after her arrival...though she was more a substitute than anything else. Most groups were set already and there was nowhere to put her. She only got her genin status after 'pleading her case' to the hokage...but was currently restricted to the most mundane missions available.

The young girl was happy with it though if her letters were any indication. Her second and final letter was full of excitement over the chunin exams. They were going to be held in Konoha in the next 2 months, and though Okarina wasn't permitted to participate, she was excited to see her friends take part in it. She wanted to be able to cheer them on.

Kiku couldn't wait to send her own letter full of exciting news. Kiku was sure Okarina would be proud of her if she became a medic-nin.

'Aya-san would be proud too.' she thought happily, watching the blonde.

Kiku was glad she'd taken her cousins advice and done what she really wanted instead of what her mother expected.

If this new friendship she was forming was any indication at the life she'd lead as a medic-nin...as a kunoichi of Suna...Kiku was sure everything would turn out fine in the end.


	19. Chapter 19

About mid-afternoon Aya took Kiku to see the Kazekage and the council. She gave a written request from herself and her superior at the hospital and then left soand she could get back to work. She flashed Kiku a quick thumbs up before leaving the girl to speak with the council.

Kiku had been so nervous when they asked her if she'd recieved her mother's consent. Kiku personally knew most of these people...and they all knew her mother's view on the subject.

"I'm 12 now!" she told them, looking each person in the eye. "Many people younger than me put their lives on the line for this village...and...and I want to be able to contribute to this village as well, in any way that I can. I'm old enough to make this decision on my own. My mother's consent on the situation means nothing." She hoped they'd find her response acceptable and wouldn't force her to ask her mother's permission.

Her response caused one council member to chuckle.

"You're a lot like you're father, you know." he said, looking down at her. "You talk big for a child...but you're right. You're old enough to make this decision on your own. I'm sure your father would have approved."

Kiku smiled. Her father had died so many years before, but the council still remembered him. She was happy someone saw even a little of him in her.

"I'm sure he would have approved, but that's not the only matter in this situation. That woman never sent her children for training. We can't make someone a medic-nin without any experience. It takes a lot of practice...which she obviously never had...this isn't worth our time."

Another council member spoke up and Kiku's hands balled into fists at her side. She had to force herself not to interrupt the woman...she didn't want to make enemies within the council.

Eventually the Kazekage himself spoke.

"I can at least say one thing for this girl...according to the head medic, Emiko Kururugi's letter...this child has survived a second attack from my son, Gaara. That's twice more than most people can say."

A small murmer fell across the room.

"...if she possesses any of the talent her father did then she may be worth testing."

He turned his attention directly at Kiku. She tried not to look intimidated, and was glad that she succeeded. She didn't want to look weak no matter how nervous she was.

"Do you think you can handle the tests?" he asked.

Kiku nodded. "I've been practicing."

The kazekage stood up and walked towards her.

"In that case, I'm willing to give you a chance." He looked back at his council. "Does anyone have any objections?"

When nobody answered, he led her away towards the testing area.

~~~~~

It was dark by the time Kiku made it to the hospital to see Aya.

"How'd it go?" The young blonde ran towards her upon spotting the child at the door.

Kiku frowned, hands in her pockets, and shrugged.

"You didn't pass?" Aya ran forward, her brown eyes tearing up. Dissapointment shown across her face.

"Just kidding."

Kiku suddenly flashed a smile and pulled her Suna headband from her pocket.

She really couldn't help but tease the older girl. Kiku knew Aya wouldn't hold it against her. She was far too happy a person for that and never took these things seriously.

"Congrats Kiku-chan!" Aya threw her arms up in the air. "We need to celebrate!"

"Aya-San! We need your help with a new patient...he got some needles stuck in his hand...we can't get him to stop moving around enough to get them out..."

Another medic ran towards the girls, interupting the happy moment. Aya turned to Kiku quickly.

"We'll celebrate tomorrow and you can tell me everything! I gotta go...sorry!"

With that the two medics ran off towards the patient's room. Kiku sat in a nearby chair in the hallway for a moment and stared at her headband. She traced Suna's symbol with her finger and smiled brightly.

She was a Kunoichi for Suna...she'd be able to work hard and help the citizens of her village. This was one of the few moments that Kiku truly felt happiness.

Chapter End Notes:

Kiku's a medic now ^.^ More details on that next chapter...and Gaara's gonna show up again pretty soon too. O.O


	20. Chapter 20

Kiku was rarely proud of herself. After years of having all her flaws blown up and examined by her mother and sister, she'd developed a rather harsh view of herself. Kiku always saw more bad than good no matter what she did. However, as she tied her headband tightly around her forehead she felt a sudden surge of pride.

"It looks good on you."

Kiku smiled, looking up at Aya, who was just settling herself into the chair across from the new kunoichi. Kiku smiled back and leaned forward across the table.

"Just to let you know, you start work in two days."

Kiku's eyes shot wide open.

"Two days? Isn't that a little fast, Aya-san?"

The older girl shrugged.

"I just got the letter from the kazekage this morning. I DID tell you we were understaffed." She chuckled. "He seemed pretty pleased to put you to work in the hospital as soon as he could. It's rare to find people with your chakra element in Suna. You're pretty lucky. People with a water chakra affinity tend to make great medics in this village...I think you'll be the second one to be working at the hospital...and she's one of the best medics the village has to offer."

Kiku blushed and looked down at her hands.

The young girl remembered the first part of her test. The Kazekage simply took her to a table with a single piece of paper and told her to place her hand on it for a moment. The second she had touched it, the paper started to "sweat" and she hastily pulled her hand back.

The Kazekage had smiled then.

"Just like your father... I hoped so." he'd said. Kiku was a little confused at first, but it was later explained that the paper reacts to a person's chakra affinity. Kiku had inherited hers from her father...he'd been a water type as well. The thought made the girl very happy.

Snapping back to the current moment, Kiku looked to Aya.

"You said there's another person with the water affinity...who is it?" she curiously asked.

"Oh...that would be Emiko-sensei!" Aya said, happily. "She's really nice and smart...and awesome! I'm so lucky that I get to work under her as an apprentice...and you are too!"

"What do you mean by me too?"

"That was the rest of my news! Kazekage-sama said you should work under her as well...so the two of us..." Aya pointed at Kiku and herself. "...get to work together almost like a little team under her! Isn't that cool?"

Kiku's eyes widened and she smiled wide, nodding enthusiastically.

"That's awesome!" she said.

"Yup...just two more days!" Aya held up two fingers and flashed a smile. "You'll train for a while then you'll be working as much as me...and I will say...the pay is pretty decent and it keeps you on your toes! I think you'll love it!"

Kiku couldn't wait to start now. She smiled just thinking about it.

After 12 years of doing nothing, she finally felt like she'd accomplished something great. Kiku would never again accept the way of life her mother expected. Mother no longer controlled her life.


	21. Chapter 21

"My my you've sure grown into quite the young lady. You're 12 now,

isn't that right? Goodness It's been so long since I remember seeing

you..."

Kiku nodded quickly, a light blush painting her cheeks.

"Kiku-chan! You never told me you knew Emiko-sensei!" Aya said, a

small scowl gracing her face. "...and here I was hoping to introduce

you two myself." She let out an audible sigh.

Kiku's eyes opened wide but she said nothing. In truth, she'd recognized

the medic woman when she first entered the room...the medic who

healed her after the incident on her birthday several years

ago...after Gaara had hurt her for the first time. The woman's kind smile and

wavy brown hair Kiku remembered in an instant, but she had completely

forgotten the medic's name.

"E-Emiko-sensei...?" Kiku's voice was but a whisper, but the medic nin

tilted her head slightly in response.

"Yes, Kiku-chan?"

Embarrassed at her forgettfulness, Kiku's face became bright red.

"I...I...ummm..."

Kiku couldn't seem to find the words.

"Oh...don't be nervous Kiku-chan!" Aya pat the younger girl's back and smiled

brightly, already back to her cheerful self. "I know the first day on

the job is tough, but Emiko-sensei and I will be sure to help you out.

Everything will work out great, I'm sure of it."

"Today I'll help you learn the basics and you can practice on some

minor wounds alright?" Emiko stepped in and pat Kiku's head.

The young girl nodded in response.

Emiko smiled wide and let out a sigh.

"I never thought I'd see you again as my pupil...patient maybe...but

never my student. Your mother pretty much squashed those hopes 6 years

ago. I'm glad she changed her mind."

"About that...Emiko-sensei..." Aya mumbled quietly, her voice trailing

off.

"I didn't tell her I did any of this. She still doesn't know." Kiku

said, finishing the statement. She looked down at the floor but her head snapped up when she heard the sudden sound of laughter.

"Really?" Emiko asked as she settled down from laughing. "That woman

has no idea?"

Kiku shook her head.

"Keeping something this big from your own family...I will say, I think

I was right about you. Definitely kunoichi material."

Kiku smiled and Aya nudged her shoulder playfully.

"Ah...but enough talk. You two need to get started on work. Aya-chan,

can you see who's in today? Bring me the list and then just start on

your days work. I need to show Kiku-chan some medic basics and then

we'll join you."

"Okay, Emiko-sensei! Good luck Kiku-chan." Aya gave Kiku a quick wave

and left the room.

Emiko turned to her newest pupil.

"We're going to start with basic healing."

Emiko pulled a kunai out of her pack and ran the blade over her

finger. A thin red line started to form and she looked at Kiku.

"Now first, place your hands over my wound."

The small girl nodded and did as told.

"Next, focus your chakra into me slowly through the wound, and sort of

tell it to bind the wound back together...silently of course...that's

just to keep you focused on what you're doing."

Kiku nodded again and slowly let her chakra out through her hands,

producing a light pale glow. She concentrated on the source of the

bleeding and allowed her chakra to enter the wound, telling herself

to seal it. After what seemed like a few minutes she stopped, and

looked down at Emiko's finger.

"See, you did it. Now we just have to work on healing time for cuts. A

small wound like that can be healed in less than 30 seconds once you

know what you're doing...but good job. 5 minutes is still pretty good

for a first time." Emiko wiped the dried blood off her finger and the

door to the room opened up once again.

Aya handed Emiko the paper before turning to Kiku.

"I circled one you might be able to handle on the list. Easy healing

job...annoying guy though."

Kiku's eyes widened and Emiko cleared her throat.

"It's not polite to speak bad of patients, Aya-chan..."

"Sorry, Emiko-sensei...but it's true. Anyways I'll let you guys go

back to training...see you later!" She ran back out of the room before

either of the other two could say a word.

Emiko chuckled and shook her head.

"Kiku-chan, I think Aya-chan was right about the patient being a good

match for your training. He's had a minor burn...nothing serious...but

this should be a great way to use your element for training."

Kiku smiled and nodded energetically as Emiko led her from the room and

down the hall.

However the girl's excitement turned to nervousness when she saw who was

behind the door.

"So what did you burn yourself with this time Kankuro-san? Something

for your puppets again?" Emiko's familiar attitude made Kiku think he

must have been there rather frequently in the past, but the young girl was

afraid to ask. She hid behind her sensei.

"So Kankuro-san, I'm training our newest medic today. Would it be

alright if she healed you today? She's a water affinity as well so

treatment will be the same as last time."

Kiku heard him sigh.

"So long as she does the job without screwing up...sure... I guess."

he raised his voice slightly. "I need to be ready to leave for the

chunin exams next week so I better be alright for that, got it?"

Emiko stepped to the side and Kiku found herself face to face with Gaara's older

brother.

"She's a kid?" Kankuro's voice raised again and Kiku winced.

"She'll do a good job I promise...just calm down Kankuro-San." Emiko

said, getting the materials from a nearby table.

Kiku simply stood there while he stared at her.

"...wait...do I know you?"

Kiku's eyes opened and she nodded but said nothing.

Emiko placed a bowl of water beside Kankuro and he placed his burned

hand inside.

"Now, same thing as when healing cuts...but this should be a bit

easier with the water. Infuse your chakra into the water and slowly

add more while you allow it to heal the burns. Again, focus and tell

it what to do. You should be able to tell when to stop."

Kiku nodded and stepped closer to kankuorou, dipping the tips of her

fingers into the water. Her chakra flowed through her fingertips and

into the bowl, light beginning to glow around it. She tried to listen

to the feelings she was getting from her chakra, and when it felt

like it was building up more chakra in the water than before, Kiku

pulled her hands slowly away from the bowl.

"How do you feel now, Kankuro?" Emiko asked, handing him a towel to

dry his hand.

Kankuro lifted his hand from the bowl. He looked it over, opening and

closing his hand a few times.

"Good enough I guess..." he grumbled, casting an odd look in Kiku's

direction.

"Oh, right! Before I forget, Kankuro-San. Your sister ordered some

medicine for you guys to take with you to Konoha. I don't trust

Konoha's hospital to do you any favor if either of you were to get

sick." Emiko walked to the door.

"I'll be right back with it. Kiku-chan, stay here till I get back,

alright?"

With that, she was gone...and Kiku was left alone with Kankuro.

"Is Gaara-kun doing alright?"

Kiku spoke quickly and quietly, turning away from Kankuro. Emiko had

just left the room and the young kunoichi already couldn't help herself from asking.

She knew Gaara had hurt her but she couldn't bring herself to be mad at

Him. She needed to know he was at least alright. This could be her

one chance to know for certain. She doubted she'd see Kankuro again any time soon.

"Wait, it's you...that stupid brat with the crazy sister isn't it?"

Kiku cringed and nodded.

"I don't need a lecture or insults or anything...just tell me if he's

alright...please." She turned to look at him, eyes pleading.

Kankuro groaned.

"There is something seriously wrong with you, kid..."

"Ah...here's the medicine Kankuro-san."

The door to the room had swung open revealing Emiko holding a small bag.

Kankuro walked over to her and grabbed the bag.

"Thanks." He mumbled, walking out the door.

Kiku looked to the floor, hands balling into fists. She had lost her

chance.

"He's crazy as ever...nothing's changed..."

Kiku's head jerked up to see Kankuro leave.

Things were silent for a moment. Kiku wasn't sure what to think of

Kankuro's news. If everything was the same at least Gaara was alive

and healthy she supposed...but then she wondered if he would ever be

back to how he used to be. She really hoped so.

"I wonder what that was about..." Emiko said quietly, watching the

door. "Ah...but nevermind. Let's get back to work. You're doing great

so far."

Kiku smiled just a bit as she was led to another room. She shook her

head to clear her thoughts. She had a lot more training to do, and

she couldn't let those thoughts distract her from her current goal.

Kiku knew things would get better. She just had to hold on and wait for

that day to come.

A/N: I'm back! ^^ Been pretty busy so I wasn't able to update, but now I can update pretty regularly :) yay! Anyways...hopefully this chapter is ok. Sorry if I messed up with Kankuro...I need to rewatch Naruto again and pay closer attention to him. Comments would be super appreciated. ^^


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Ok reloading this chapter cuz of a major mixup. I sorta uploaded this in an attempt to update before I had to go to work and accidentally uploaded the wrong draft...(yeah...total fail, I know.) Then I was too tired to bother checking it when I got home so it went unnotice. o.o Juxtaposition32's review made me realize I uploaded the half-finished original chapter for the story (which is a reader insert of Fos-ff)...and since I changed it to a normal Oc story specifically for this site (due to the fact that reader inserts weren't allowed and I didn't wanna get in any trouble)...the point of view was all crazy. ^^" But I've fixed it! and I'm uploading the real chapter...and will probably avoid updating until I'm back from work and able to check what the heck I'm uploading. O.o But anyways...sorry for the mixup guys! ...heres the real chapter...

"Is everything alright, Kiku-chan?"

Kiku's head turned away from the view of the window to face Aya. The  
>blonde leaned forward in her chair, elbows resting on her knees as her<br>chin rested on her hands.

"You keep staring out that window." Aya said, getting up from the chair.

"They're leaving for the chunin exams...the kazekage...and a group of  
>others." Kiku said, "I was just hoping to see it...but I can't see much<br>from here. Just the crowds going to see them off."

The young girl let out an audible sigh and Aya grabbed her friend's arm to pull her up.

"Let's go talk to Emiko-sensei. The hospital is running slow  
>today...nothing for us 'medic trainees' to do anyway. Let's just see<br>if we can take a little break to see everything then we can come back  
>and see if there's any work for us."<p>

Kiku nodded and followed Aya through the halls of the hospital, taking  
>note of the earie quietness. There was nobody in the halls, aside from<br>a small group of medics whispering and laughing amongst themselves.

The halls of the hospital were never this quiet. They were always full  
>of people...sick or mildly injured that the younger staff was normally<br>sent after while more experienced medics cared for the more serious  
>cases.<p>

Kiku wondered if everyone was merely ignoring their own minor injuries  
>to see the group leave for the chunin exams. She that she<br>certainly would have.

After a few moments of searching, the two girls found Emiko. Their  
>teacher was leaving the room of one of her patients, a young ninja<br>who'd been at the hospital for the last four days after being hit with  
>several poisoned needles. Luckily he'd gotten to the hospital in time.<p>

Emiko and Aya had worked together to help him and Kiku was there to  
>observe their technique. It looked difficult, but Emiko assured her<br>after the ordeal that she would learn it soon enough. The thought had  
>made new new medic happy. She was working hard to improve.<p>

"Kiku-chan, Aya-chan...did you girls need me for something?" Emiko  
>looked at the two curiously.<p>

"Could we go see the kazekage and the others leave for the chunin  
>exams...please Emiko-sensei?" Kiku asked, hopeful.<p>

Emiko seemed to think for a moment, looking around at the empty halls  
>before shrugging her shoulders and nodding.<p>

"I guess it wouldn't hurt for today...but make sure you both don't  
>stay out too long. We'll need your help later."<p>

Kiku and Aya broke into smiles and turned to run down the hall.

"Thanks Emiko-sensei!" They both yelled back as they headed towards  
>the exit.<p>

Once out in the streets of Suna the girls could just feel the excitement in  
>the air. The chunin exams were very important, and it was always a<br>celebrated time. This year seemed particularly important. The kazekage  
>was even sending his own children to participate...a bit later than<br>expected for the oldest, ppl said, but it was the kazekage's decision.  
>Nobody dared go against the kazekage's decision.<p>

The closer they got to the village's edge the denser the crowds became.

Street vendors filled the area, most offering drinks to help quench

the thirst of the citizens who'd been in the sun for the majority of

the morning.

It seemed like everyone was rather excited for today. Kiku found it a

little odd, as the chunin exams had never caused such a stir before.

Mild celebration to wish the prospective chunin luck was commonplace,

but the village seemed to have turned to a festival.

After a while, She and Aya managed to push their way to the front of

the crowd. Kiku sighed, realizing that nobody was there yet. Just the

crowd, split along the center to form a path for the group preparing

to leave.

"Kiku-chan...I'm gonna grab us some snacks while we wait, alright.

Wait right here so I can find you again."

The girl nodded, twirling a strand of purple hair around her finger, and Aya headed off towards a nearby cart.

For a while Kiku closed her eyes and tilted her head back towards the

sky. The warth felt nice and she let out a calm sigh.

Memories of her childhood rushed through her head. Memories of her

and Gaara...young children playing amongst the sand while the warm sun

beat down on them...just like today.

"It's great, isn't it?"

"He'll be gone a whole month, right?"

"That's good news. I won't have to worry about my sister wandering off

for a while."

Kiku heard talking from behind and opened her eyes to see the

three young women standing there. They didn't notice her staring, or

if they did they simply ignored it.

"It's always exciting when the kazekage sends him away...but this time

is way worth the celebration. Our village will be rid of Gaara for

over a month...and on top of that we have a chance to show our

strength to Konoha. Their ninja can't hope to compete against the sand."

"That's true...we can all relax until the exams are over. Then we may

have some new chunin to add to our ranks. Gaara for sure...no matter

how scary that thought is. Maybe with the new title the Kasekage could

send him farther off more often."

"I hope so. The village is better off without him here."

Kiku's hands involuntarily balled into fists. She couldn't stand people

talking bad of Gaara. She understood everyones reasoning, but she

couldn't bring herself to agree one bit. It was this mentality

everyone had of him that drove him to what he was today.

Kiku was considering interupting their conversation when a small glass

was suddenly thrust in front of her.

"You look upset about something Kiku-chan. Cheer up, it's almost time

for them to get here. The vendor told me so."

Kiku looked at Aya and smiled, taking the glass and one of the small

bags of pastries she had hanging off her wrist.

"Thanks Aya-San."

"No problem."

The two medics looked out at the empty space, sipping their drinks and

eating their snacks.

A sudden roar of the crowd sent the two of them staring up the pathway.

There stood the Kazekake and the rest of the ninja on their way for

Konoha. Kiku and Aya joined in on the cheers as the group got closer.

The energy grew more and more intense as the group began to pass.

Kiku's eyes looked over the crowd, searching until they settled on that

familiar red hair.

Her heart raced as she watched Gaara walk by. His expression was

angry, looking straight ahead as he walked. The smallest one of the

group he held such a presence of power it almost made her breath

catch in her throat. She wanted to reach out and touch him...to hold

onto him and wish him luck...but she didn't move.

Instead she just watched him walk by. Not once did he glance in her

direction...her very existence currently unknown to him.

All Kiku could do as he passed the gates of the village was close her

eyes and hope once again that he'd be alright and that someday she could have

her friend back...the way he was when they were children. 


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Since their was a mistake with my last chapter, I'm going to be double checking before uploading from now on. If you read the original messed up last chapter...I apologize...but I fixed it...so if you didn't see the fixed chapter go check. (It's in the right format and actually had the ending to it. lol) Anyways...hope this chapter doesn't suck. It's now almost midnight and I can't sleep...so since I never get around to sitting down and writing I figured now would be a good time.

Two and a half months passed by rather quickly for Kiku. It wasn't hard for her to hide her new job from her mother and sister. It seems they had far too many other things to worry about. The two of them were constantly running about, leaving on trips to other villages in the land of wind. Kimi was getting closer to marriagable age, and their mother was trying to get her noticed as much as possible. She had already completely forgotten about her youngest daughter.

Kiku could understand why, though. Her mother was becoming desperate for money. After her father died, Kiku's mother continued to spend as much money as ever. However after several years she realized that those within the council are no longer payed when they die and the money saved from her husband's family inheritance and work was dwindling away rather fast...she had maybe 5 more years of her lifestyle left and then the whole family would be broke.

Kiku never cared when her mother informed her daughters of the necessity that they both marry soon and marry well. Her mother and sister were foolish and greedy. If they were unwilling to live a more humble lifestyle then they deserved the downfall they were inevitably going to get. Kiku would be fine, she knew. Her work as a genin at the hospital payed a decent amount of money. She knew that in the next few years she was going to move away from her childhood home and live her own life separate from her mother and sister. Her life wouldn't be full of luxury, but she always preferred things to be simple. A small appartment full of flowers with enough money to eat...that was all she needed.

Kiku sat at Suna's hospital, simply thinking of the events of the past two months. She'd recieved 5 letters in total from Okarina, describing the events at the Chunin exams. Her cousin's best friends seemed to have made it through alive, which was great...but whenever her cousin spoke of Gaara and the things he'd done while there it made Kiku's heart ache. Okarina knew of her cousin's feelings and tried to make it sound less terrible than it really was, but Kiku could see through her words that it wasn't the full truth.

There were gaps in her story and she left out details that Kiku thought would be important. Even when Kiku sent her replies asking for clarification, nothing came...just more news continued from where the last letter left off. By the fourth letter Kiku stopped asking.

While the letters were somewhat frustrating, Kiku found her escape at Suna's hospital. She was now allowed to care for small injuries on her own. She had quite the affinity for healing, it appeared. She loved being able to help the villagers and she put her heart and soul into every attempt at healing them...the children especially. The way their eyes lit up when she fixed their cuts and bruises, though it was the easiest task given to a medic, made Kiku's heart swell with pride. Their gratitude was worth more than any amount of money she could recieve from her work. Their smiles gave her purpose.

"Kiku-chan!' Aya's cheerful voice sounded out through the halls as she walked towards her seated friend. "Emiko-sensei says to go to room 3. There's a patient that's requesting you."

"Oh, be right there!"

Kiku stood from her chair, and passed her friend. Aya flashed her a smile.

"You're really getting good at this, you know." she said.

Kiku stopped in her tracks and turned for a moment back to Aya.

"Thanks. I promise I'll keep working hard."

Aya smirked.

"You better...don't go letting us down after you've come this far."

Kiku shook her head. "I'd never think of it."

With that she head off towards room 3. She opened the door and had taken only a single step into the room when she was attacked.

Three small bodies had flung themselves at her, little arms latching onto her middle. She looked down and found herself staring into three matching sets of brown eyes.

"Oh...Kiku-chan...I'm so sorry! Guys...let her go. It's not nice to surprise the medic like that!"

"Hi...Sana-chan..."

Kiku looked at the face of her old childhood friend...Her old scapegoat for meeting Gaara. She'd grown up quite a bit, just like Kiku. They'd both lost touch with eachother after Sana accidentally given Kiku away to her mother. Sana had seen a brief glimpse of Kanako's temper and she never cared to see it again. Neither girl had spoken much since then. Seven years was a long time...Kiku had never known Sana had three younger brothers since then. She only found out recently when Sana brought in the youngest to the hospital to check up on his healing arm. It had been quite a shock to both girls.

Kiku had treated all three boys on several occasions. They were training to be ninjas already and were quite rough with their practice. They constantly showed up covered in scrapes and bruises and they frequently requested that Kiku treat them. They thought she was sweet...she thought they were too.

"So which one of you got hurt this time?"

Kiku scanned the faces of all three of the kids and they turned to face their sister.

"It's me this time..." Sana smiled nervously and ponted to her leg. Kiku noticed the small gash below her old friend's knee and went over to her, looking it over.

"How'd you do that?" Kiku asked.

"I fell on a rock during practice today. I was trying to help my brother's with their taijutsu and ended up making a total fool out of myself." Sana sighed and stared at the gash. The boys giggled and the eldest spoke up.

"At least now we know how NOT to land on a rock." he said with a shrug.

"Yeah Kaoru...I guess now you do" she said with a chuckle.

Kiku held her hands over the wound.

"You'll be good as new soon, Sana-chan." she said as she focused her chakra towards the wound. Slowly Kiku allowed it to pull the skin together and to begin healing. A few minutes later she backed up and inspected the area. There was still dried blood along her leg, but the wound itself was gone.

Sana looked down as well and smiled.

"Thanks a lot Kiku-chan. I knew you'd be able to help me out...especially after getting all the practice from these guys."

Her brothers beamed up at the two girls as if visits to the medic were a thing to be proud of. Kiku chuckled and stood up. She pat each one on the head and told them to be more careful and to help their sister out. They agreed and Kiku turned toward the door, her job all done.

"Ummm...Kiku-chan. There was something else I had to tell you." Sana got up from her seat and walked over to her.

"Oh...what is it?"

Sana looked around nervously.

"I just wanted to warn you. There's been some talk around town about you working here. A lot of people that I know have started to bring you up in conversation the past two or three days. It's a bit of a hot topic right now...considering nobody ever thought they'd see you with a Suna headband...especiallly with how your mother is..." Sana cut off, vaguely remembering what happened when she sas a child.

"I just wanted to let you know that there's a chance that she might hear the talk or someone might approach her about it...so just watch out. I know how she gets...unless she's gotten better?" Sana looked at Kiku hopefully. Kiku shook her head 'no'. If anything her mother had gotten worse since since they were children. Sana sighed.

"Well...just take this as a warning then. I don't want it to surprise you if she confronts you later...I felt I at least owed you a heads up this time."

Kiku nodded.

"Thanks for the heads up." she said with a small smile. "I'm ready for when she finds out."

Sana smiled back and ushered her brothers towards the door. The five of them left the room but Kiku stood in the hallway waving as they left the hospital. She stared blankly at the door for a moment, thinking about what she was going to do, before shaking her head. She knew her mother would find out eventually, but now faced with the real reality of it, she wasn't sure if this was something she wanted to deal with.

'I'll be fine...' she thought. 'Even if mother is mad...even if she's furious...none of that matters. Once you're a ninja, you're a ninja for life...and I've been given an important job from the Kazekage. She wouldn't dare try to object to one of his decisions...would she?'

Kiku shook her head again to dismiss the thoughts. She had a busy day ahead of her...she couldn't stress over useless worries. Kiku walked back to her desk. She had work to get done...and withing minutes Sana's warning was no longer lurking in Kiku's mid.

A/N 2:First off...sorry this chapter sucks...really tired right now...not in the best writing mood, but wanted to finish something...but it should get back on track in the next chapter or so. Secondly... I'm going to start drawing some more pics for this and my other story on here and put them on deviantart. They're under the name forgotten-promise if anyone's interested in looking at em. :) Also have a new story planned for Kiku's Cousin, Okarina (her life before Suna, her time with Kiku, and the things that happened to her when they went their separate ways.) I'll be posting that soon if anyone's interested in that too. ^^ Anyways...thanks for reading! :D


	24. Chapter 24

Kiku yawned as she walked through the dark streets of Suna. It had been a tough day at work, much toughter than she'd the day had started off normal it had gotten busier and busier. Especially after a group of jounin had returned from their month long mission in pretty bad condition.

While Emiko and the other more advaced medics treated those with more severe injuries, Aya decided that this day would be the best to help Kiku learn some new skills...in this case how to treat a severe burn.

Their patient was a rather new jounin, the youngest of the group. Her right arm and shoulder were covered in 3rd degree burns and she cried out in pain as both medics set to work. Kiku winced at the sight of her. She had gotten used to viewing minor injuries and the blood ceased to bother her, but the sight of a person in such pain broke Kiku's heart to witness. She wondered if she would ever get used to such a thing.

"Kiku go grab a jar of water...hurry!" Aya ordered, turning her attention towards the patient on the table.

"Kiseki-san...look this way for a moment."

The patient turned her head towards Aya just as the blonde's eyes brightened just slightly. Eyes met and soon the patient was asleep. Aya's specialty, a genjutsu that worked almost like anesthesia...a trick passed on to her by Emiko. It was effective in battle but far more effective in the operating rooms.

Kiku ran to the closet and withdrew a small jar of water, carrying it over and setting it down to unscrew the top.

"Good! Now, burns were never my specialty...I can't use water like you can, but I do know how to do it. If you follow my instructions exactly we can have her back on her feet in no time, alright, Kiku?"

Kiku nodded "Of course...I'll do what I can."

Aya nodded, her face serious. "Now, place your fingertips in the water and infuse it with chakra."

Kiku did as she was told, closing her eyes to focus. When she felt it was enough she opened her eyes and looked back at her friend.

"Now see if you can get the water to rise from the jar with your chakra and encase her arm in it...you really have to focus on this one."

Kiku nodded. She'd done something quite similar the previous week...though on a much smaller scale. Healing a burned finger and healing an entire arm were really quite different. She was worried she'd be unable to do it and that the patient would remain in such pain, but she shook the thought away. Kiku wanted to help this girl and she would give it her all to accomplish that.

Focusing all her chakra on the water she slowly moved the chakra infused molecules towards the patients arm. She willed the water to form a wrap around the patient's arm and held it there.

"Now, start the healing process...it's important to heal it from the inside out...start deep and work your way to the surface."

Kiku took Aya's advice and took a deep breath clearing her mind of everything but the healing process. Bit by bit she sent small streams of her chakra into the suspended water which in turn sent chakra up and down the patient's arm. She did as Aya said...inside out...and 30 minutes later she relaxed, allowing the water to travel back into the jar. The patient's arm was red, but the burns were barely noticable aside from a few marks that would probably remain for life, to show the world of the wounds she'd recieved. Far from pretty, but she was out of the danger zone. Aya inspected the work and gave Kiku a pat on the back.

"You've gotten better. Nice control...you need to work on your speed, but that you'll learn over time." Aya said, before noticing the serious expression on Kiku's face as her eyes were transfixed on the small scars formed on the patient's arms.

"I ruined her..."Kiku whispered.

Aya sighed "medical ninjutsu isn't perfect. It's practical, not cosmetic. Marks and scars are normal for people who chose this life...so don't look so upset. You saved her from a lot of pain, and that's all that matters."

Kiku tried to understand and nodded, but she couldn't shake the thought. She felt guilty.

Even on the walk home hours later she couldn't shake the feeling. She slipped her headband into her pocket and made her way to her house. It was empty when she arrived, her mother and sister probably off on another day trip, and Kiku silently made her way to her bedroom. Slipping out of her clothes she brushed her fingetips over her own scar and frowned. Her mother's words of Kiku's uselesness to her months before still stung fresh in the young girl's mind...but scars were part of life for a ninja and Kiku tried to remember that. It meant she was a survivor...just like that woman was a survivor. It wasn't something to be ashamed of, but it was a feeling she just couldn't shake...her mother's influence still heavy in her mind. Kiku hated it. Everything her mother said or did impacted her...whether it be in the form of her feelings, such as now...or through events...like Kiku's loss of all the people she truly cared about.

Kiku threw on a long white night dress and walked to her window. She opened it and leaned her head out to feel the cool breeze blow against her face.. She tilted her head up to look at the night sky and her gaze drew instantly to the moon. She remembered her old thought of being connected with the ones she loved, and hoped they were watching the moon with her. In this moment she felt like she really needed them.

"If only we could all sit and watch it together..."

With a sigh she turned and crawled into her bed. She closed her eyes and imagined Gaara and Okarina...Aya...and herself. All of them happy as they sat on the sand and watched the stars and the moon. It was just a dream, but Kiku hoped that some day it could become a reality. She wouldn't let her mother's influence destroy that dream.

A/N: Sorry if this is a bit rambled and short. Next chapter is going to be a confrontation between Kiku and her mother...and just a few more chapters until Gaara's return.


	25. Chapter 25

"Get up you manipulating little twit!"

Kiku felt a pair of hands violently shaking her awake and her eyes flew open. Blue eyes met their match as she stared into her mother's angry face.

'What time is it?' she wondered, groggily. She turned her head slightly to look at the clock and felt a hand smack hard against the side of her face, forcing her to look away.

"How long were you planning on hiding this from me?" Kanako yelled at her youngest daughter, shaking the girls small frame by her shoulders.

Still trying to register the situation, Kiku stayed motionless, accepting the violent gestures without resistance. She slowly began to remember Sana's warning the other day.

"What are you talking about?" she asked quietly.

"What am I talking about? You can stop faking innocence here, Kiku. Your sister and I both know!" Her mother spat back bitterly. "How long did you think you could hide this from us? Becoming a dirty ninja behind my back? How dare you...you horrible ungrateful little bitch."

Another slap to the face. Kiku winced at the impact and her eyes welled up with tears but none of them fell. She wouldn't give her mother that kind of satisfaction. Her hands balled into fists at her side.

"After everything I've done for you to put you on the proper path to life you turn around and pull something like this! Everyone in the village is talking about you! They probably think you're a total disgrace! How long have you been hiding this?"

Kiku wanted to reply to her mother that the only person people found to be a disgrace was her...not her daughters, but she kept her mouth shut on that topic. When Kanako had an opinion she couldn't imagine anyone having any others. She was always right...or so she thought.

"A few months..." Kiku whispered.

"What was that? Speak louder." Kanako shook Kiku again and Kiku replied louder.

"A few months! Mother can you believe her nerve! How horrible to keep such a secret from her own family!"

Kiku could see her sister smirking from her place in the doorway, instigating their mother further. Family? By blood maybe, but Aya was more family to her then both her sister and her mother. They'd stopped being her family a long time ago. Family did not treat one another like this.

Kiku's eyes narrowed as her mother's hand descended for another slap, but Kiku pulled her arm up to block it and push her mother's hand aside.

"Stop hitting me!" She yelled.

Kanako stopped hitting and instead grabbed her youngest child by the wrist and pulled her from the bed, dragging her towards the stairs.

"You should be practicing your etiquette to find a proper husband and instead you do this? Everything I sacrificed for you was nothing but a waste...you horrible ungrateful child!" She pushed Kiku forward and she tripped down the stairs, just barely managing to land on her knees instead of her head. Behind her she could hear her mother's steps and a small chuckle from her sister. Kimi always enjoyed to watch KIku's torment.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just toss you out of this house! You're nothing but trouble. Do you not understand that we are running out of money? You need to find a husband...and who's going to marry a ninja with all their scars and horrifying experiences? Nobody worth anything! You'll never amount to anything in this house and all you do is waste our money further!"

Kiku opened her mouth to speak but a knock at the door cut her off. Her mother walked to the door and fixed her hair a bit before opening it. An elderly woman stood at the door. She was dressed rather plain but the bangled bracelets on her hands were gold...she obviously had money. So Kanako put on her winning fake smile and welcomed this uninvited stranger into their home.

"I've come to see Kiku Hayama." the old woman said to Kanako. "This is her residence, right?"

"Yes...Kiku is my daughter." Kanako turned to look behind her. Her eyes flashed angrily for a split second realizing she was still crouched on the ground in her night clothes before her expression returned once again to that fake look of happiness.

"Oh...I didn't see you there young lady." The woman said with a toothless grin. "What are you doing down there?"

Kiku sat up and tried to force a smile.

"Oh I tried to rush to the door and tripped down the stairs." She said, knowing her mother would only punish her more if she told the truth.

The woman gave a laugh and walked to her. She stared intently at her for a moment before giving a sigh.

"So this is the girl who saved my granddaughter...so young...I must say I wasn't expecting that."

Kanako looked at the woman quizzically.

The woman turned to look at her and smiled.

"Oh...I should explain myself." She said, helping Kiku to her feet. "I've just come to give you a token of my gratitude. Kiseki is my only grandchild...all I have left of my daughter. Thank you for helping her." The woman pressed something into Kiku's palm. "I know how tough it is to be a medic-nin. I felt you deserved a little something extra for your efforts."

She turned to walk out the door. Kanako opened it and assisted the woman and she turned to face Kiku's mother.

"You've raised a wonderful girl, Hayama-san." Then without another word she left. Kiku's mother shut the door and her smile faded.

"So now you're luring crazy old women into our home!" she yelled before realizing what Kiku held in her upturned palm. A few pieces of silver and gold, worth what Kiku suspected was about two weeks salary for herself at the hospital.

Kanako was silenced, and stared intently at the shiny metal before snatching it from her daughter's hand.

"Do you enjoy working at the hospital? Do they pay you enough for your work?" her mother said quietly.

Kiku nodded and Kanako pocketed the coins.

"Well then, I won't keep you from something you enjoy. You can work until it's time for you to marry."

Kimi let out a small growl and the sound of her feet stomping away could be heard throughout the house. Kanako tried to smile pleasantly at Kiku, to make her feel that she was genuinely trying to be nice, but Kiku knew her mother well enough to know exactly what she was thinking.

She didn't want Kiku to remain at the hospital because she enjoyed it. She wanted her there for the money. Kanako was finally seeing the upside to her child becoming a ninja. Kiku's meager paycheck could give her mother a few months...a few years...extra to find her oldest daughter a wealthy spouse. Then everything would be fine. Her lifestyle would be saved and Kiku would have no more need to be a "dirty ninja". She'd be forced to resign.

All Kiku could think was that she wanted to be gone before that happened and she was forced to lose yet another thing that she cared for.

A/N: Alright...another quick chapter. Sorry if it's not that great...but next chapter is going to be an important one. :) I'll try and get it out within the week if my schedule clears up. ^^


	26. Chapter 26

"Who does that woman think she is?" Aya yelled, her hands balled into fists.

"She's my mother."

Kiku sighed and sat in the nearest chair.

"Thanks for lying for me." she said quietly, flashing Aya a tiny smile.

Aya pulled a chair up beside her and smiled back.

"Well of course. That's what friends do, right? When some lady comes in demanding your paychecks all go to her and that I need to tell her exactly how much she's to be payed for your 'services'...isn't it expected that I lie? I mean, I still want you to get the money you work so hard for."

"Still...thanks."

"Well then you're very welcome. Just make sure you hide the other half of your paycheck. I'll make sure it goes to Emiko sensei to give to you instead of it being given to you directly. Then just save up till you can get out of there like you planned."

Kiku stood up and walked to the window. She stared out at the people walking past the hospital in the midday sun.

"You live by yourself, don't you, Aya-san? How is it?"

Aya sighed and followed her.

"Not by myself exactly. My older brother lives with me too so he pays half the rent. Makes things a little easier. The place is small though and costs a lot...but it has it's perks." She nudged Kiku's arm with her elbow gently.

"Why don't you ask the cousin you're always talking about...Okarina-san? She lives alone with her brothers too right? How does she like it?"

Kiku shrugged.

"I think she likes it well enough. She fights with her brother, Kei-kun, a lot...but Kenji-kun always breaks it up. He's the nice one of the two. I want to meet him some day...but I haven't heard from her in a while. I'm kind of worried."

In fact, it had been a few weeks since she'd heard anything back from her cousin. Last letter she'd gotten had talked about gaara's first fight in the chunin exams. He'd won like Kiku would have expected, but his opponent was in pretty bad shape. Still it was a miracle that he was alive at all. She figured her cousin knew him well enough because her words about Gaara seemed a bit harsher than usual...and she mentioned going with her friends to visit the opponent in the hospital.

'Lee was his name, wasn't it?' Kiku wondered silently. Since then her cousin hadn't sent any more letters. It was as if she didn't want to write about Gaara anymore. If he'd hurt her friend then maybe to some extent she hated him...and maybe she'd come to hate Kiku as well. Kiku shook her head to erase the thoughts. She refused to think like that. Okarina wasn't that kind of person. She would have just told Kiku if she was angry, not ignored her letters. Kiku was worried something horrible might have happened to her young cousin. Aya sensed her fear and wrapped an arm around the younger girl's shoulder.

"Well the Chunin exams are probably almost over by now." said Aya, softly. "Maybe she's just waiting for a big finale letter...or maybe the ninjas in charge of delivering the letters have more important things to do right now. You know that mail can get backed up sometimes because of that. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

Kiku nodded. In a village struggling to keep it's place in the ninja world, Sunagakure had moments of shortages of all kinds while the ninjas were sent to perform other tasks that the kazekage deemed to be more important. As much as she loved her village, that was one thing she never enjoyed.

"Yeah...you're probably right. Mail might just be backed up again."

The girls stood in silence for a while, just listening to the quiet sounds of the hospital in the background. Quiet sounds of slow footsteps and muffled voices soon turned to yells and the loud sound of running. Kiku looked out the window and saw the crowd rushing towards the hospital.

The door behind the girls flew open and the girls turned at the sound of Emiko's voice.

"Aya-chan, Kiku-chan...come with me we need everyone we can get. There was a failed attack on Konoha...our ninjas are in bad condition."

"Atack on Konoha? Why would the Kazekage...?" Kiku's question hung in the air, her eyes wide. She felt her heart beating insanely fast. She now knew why she never recieved Okarina's letters. The Kazekage must have shut down any communication between the villages.

'Could Okarina have been hurt in the attack? Could she be dead?'

That was all she could think about until another voice called her attention away.

"The Kazekage is dead!"

That was the first moment Kiku had seen her village on the verge of complete chaos.

A/N: Well things should be speeding up pretty soon. Gaara will make his reappearance in the story and I've got a lot planned for the next few chapters. Sorry for the short chapter. I just haven't had much time to write but I wanted to put up a new chapter whenever I could get the chance. ^^ I hope it's alright. I'm gonna try hard to make the next chapter longer.


	27. Chapter 27

Sunagakure hospital was in sheer panic. One after another jounin and chunin were being brought in and sorted according to their injuries. None of the medics even thought to expect the mass of people. They'd never been informed of the attack until now.

Kiku, as the hospital's youngest and newest member was put in charge of directing the flow of patients and running supplies between the rooms. After a few hours, Aya came to relieve her.

"Emiko sensei said to grab something to eat...and if you could, grab something for the rest of the medics as well I don't think anyone else is getting much of a break today."

She placed a few coins in Kiku's hand and Kiku nodded in understanding. She turned and left the hospital.

'Guess my job as a medic was reduced to errand girl today.' she thought, a bit upset. She had hoped to have at least one patient during this mess, but she figured they needed speed on the job today...something she just couldn't give yet.

She accepted her current task and stopped at the nearest convenience store.

She looked around but the building seemed empty.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" she called out, walking along the aisles. When nobody answered she stood by the counter and looked around. She could smell food cooking in the back so she knew someone had to be there.

"Hello?" she called out again.

This time a small head peeked through the doorway behind the counter. The boy took one look at Kiku and turned to run outside the store.

"Mama, mama! We have a customer!" he yelled. A few moments later he retuned being followed by a woman a few years older than Kiku's own mother.

"I'm so sorry about that." she said as she rushed to the counter. "everyone is outside trying to see what was going on at the hospital." She lowered her head, a bit embarrassed.

Kiku placed the coins on the counter and looked to the woman.

"I'm actually coming from the hospital now." said Kiku " I can't tell you much, But there are a lot of people who need medic attention right now. I need to bring food back for everyone. Can you give me enough food for that?" She pointed to the pile of coins and the woman nodded.

"I have a few dozen bentos prepared right now. More are cooking in the back, but they won't be done for a while." she said, walking out from around the counter. "We have some breads and drinks too if you'd like."

The woman turned to her son and waved him towards the door.

"Mitsu...go get the delivery cart. I want you to help her bring the food to the hospital"

The little boy nodded and ran off behind the store. By the time he returned there were 2 dozen small bentos, a dozen plain rolls, and a few dozen assorted spice and sweet rolls sitting on the counter. While he helped place them all in the cart, Kiku grabbed a few cases of drinks.

Kiku looked everything over and turned to the woman.

"How much more do I owe you for the drinks?" she asked, but the woman shook her head.

"you're all covered and I'll have Mitsu run the rest of the bento's over once they're done."

Kiku's face broke out in a smile as she thanked the woman repeatedly. She and the boy, Mitsu then headed back towards the hospital with the food and drinks.

As they entered the hospital, she moved a few things off of a desk to clear it and helped lay all the food out before sending Mitsu back to his mother. He'd be back shortly with the other bentos. She wasn't very hungry herself, so she grabbed a cream roll and went to find Aya to help tell all the medics that there was food. The roll was small and she finished just before reaching her and a small group of medics standing outside a closed door.

"I don't want to go in there Aya-san! Please don't make me." one of the girls pleaded, but Aya just shook her head.

"Emiko-sensei and the other head medics assigned you to this room. You have to, unless anyone else wants to cover for you."

The girl looked around pleading but everyone shook their head. They didn't want to go in there either. Kiku wondered what was going on. Medics never refused to see a patient.

"Why hasn't anyone seen my brother yet!" a serious yell came from down the hall and Kiku's eyes widened as she watched Temari make her way towards the group.

"I'm sorry Temari-san...but I can't seem to find anyone willing to go in there..."Aya said.

"Then you go in there yourself!"

"Well...you see..."Aya tried to avert the situation...she didn't want to be in there either. "I mean...I've treated you and Kankuro dozens of times...but this is Gaara...and I...well..."

At the mention of Gaara's name, Kiku's eyes widened. If he was in this hospital then he was hurt...and nobody was treating him.

"Let me treat him!"

Everyone turned to stare at Kiku, and for a moment they looked at her as if she'd sprouted a second head.

"I don't have any patients today and I already brought back all the food for everything"

"I guess someone took my place." The first girl said, running off to another room before Kiku could change her mind. The rest followed suit, and dispersed to see other patients.

"Kiku you can't do that...he just tried to kill you a few months ago, did you forget that?" Aya grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "I'm not going to let you do something so stupid!"

Temari looked at Kiku and her eyes flickered in recognition.

"Let her go," she said "She'll be won't hurt her again."

When Aya opened her mouth to debate the subject, Temari cut her off.

"You're medics, it's your job to help our ninjas and so far she's the only one willing to do her job and help my brother."

Aya looked down, mildly ashamed and she relinquished her hold on Kiku.

"Just don't die Kiku." She said quietly. "We'll be right outside, yell if he tries anything."

Kiku nodded and saw the people watching her from their doorways. She ignored them and opened the door to the room, stepping inside and closing it behind her. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest, but felt as if it stopped the moment she saw Gaara lying on that hospital bed. He was awake, just lying down and staring at the ceiling above him.

"Gaara...kun?" She said quietly. He ignored her and kept looking to the ceiling.

"I'm going to be your medic today, do you mind telling me what's wrong? Where were you injured?" Again he ignored her, so she stepped closer, coming to stand beside him at the table.

He sat up and finally turned to look at her. She saw some dried blood from a wound on his forehead and there was some caked blood on his clothes, though from him or an opponent she didn't know.

His eyes opened slightly as he looked her over.

"I thought I killed you." his voice held a tinge of regret. For what, she wondered, not finishing her off before?

Kiku bit her lip, trying not to cry, and turned to grab some medical supplies.

"I'm alive...sorry if I didn't die according to plan." she whispered. "...but lets get you healed up first before you try again, alright?" she gave him a small, pained smile. After everything he'd done, she just couldn't bring herself to hate him.

"No..." he said and Kiku tensed slightly. So maybe he didn't want to wait before killing her this time. Her eyes shut, preparing for him to attack her again. When nothing happened she slowly opened her eyes. Gaara was looking out the window. The two filled the room with their silence.

"I'm glad...that you're alive," he finally said " and I'm sorry if I frightened you just now." He looked at her tense form.

"I won't hurt you..." he said quietly when she didn't respond and her eyes filled with tears. Her eyes looked into his and she finally saw what she'd hoped for for so long. Not filled with hate or anger...just those beautiful Azure eyes she'd come to love as a child. They did not hold the same innocence, but there was something in his new gaze that reminded her of that time long ago.

All those nights wishing and hoping that he could become himself again, finally came true. In her thirteen years of life this was her happiest moment, and she couldn't stop the tears of joy from escaping out the side of her eyes. She wanted to throw her arms around him, but instead she set to work healing the small wound on his forehead.

"I'm glad that you're back." was all she said, and he gave a small look of understanding.

"I am too."

A/N: So Gaara's back now o.o Kinda wrote most of this while trying not to fall asleep so hopefully it doesn't suck too much lol. I have a lot planned for the next few chapters o.o


	28. Chapter 28

"You need to eat something before we release you."

Kiku's statement was met only by silence and she let out an audible sigh. Gaara had only been required to spend one night at the hospital and was scheduled for release the following afternoon...under Kiku's orders. Gaara had never been injured before and she wanted to be sure he was ok.

She also wanted to spend more time caring for him, though she'd never tell a soul that reason.

She had sent Kankurou and Temari home with the promise she'd stay overnight to keep a watch after Gaara. Her mother and sister were away on another trip so she was happy with the idea of staying overnight at the hospital...but Gaara wasn't. He wanted to leave and probably saw the extended stay as an insult, but he hadn't put up a fight. So Kiku had gotten her way.

However now, as she tried to give him his dinner he was completely ignoring her. The thought aggravated her to no end.

She wanted to talk to him more but he didn't seem to be in a talking mood. He looked like he was thinking about something and didn't want to be bothered.

She finally set the bag of food on his lap.

"Try to eat, Gaara-kun...please. At least see what I brought, alright? I'll be back in a little while."

Gaara finally looked at her and nodded so Kiku left the room. She shut the door and leaned against it, eyes closed. Her heart was still running a marathon in her chest whenever she was near him. She still couldn't believe it.

"Please don't be a dream." she muttered to herself.

A sudden pain on her arm caused her eyes to open wide and Aya started to laugh.

She stood in front of kiku and pinched her again.

"Proves you're awake, doesn't it?"

Kiku rubbed the sore spot on her arm and laughed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Aya sighed. "Proves you're still alive too...you know how stupid that was, don't you? He could have ripped u to shreds if he had wanted to."

Kiku nodded in understanding. "I know...but he's not like that now. Temari said...and I saw it with my own eyes. He's like how he was when he was little."

"What do u mean? He's always been a killer." Aya said, shaking her head.

Kiku smiled ever so slightly. "No not always...he used to be really kind. Very sweet and gentle...until Yashamaru..." her face turned serious and she looked towards the door.

"Well I don't really get what you're saying, but if you say he's not dangerous I'll try to believe that." Aya said, patting Kiku's shoulder. "But just in case...be careful alright?"

"I will...but I want to talk to him about what happened in Konoha. I just have to get him to talk first."

"He's probably in a bad mood...being forced to stay here. You're treating him like some delicate little child." Aya's face went blank for a minute before she erupted into peals of laughter.

"I can't even imagine Gaara being delicate...I tried and it just...no, doesn't fit. You could drop a building on that boy and he'd probably survive. He has more lives than a cat."

Kiku smiled at Aya's comment and nodded. Gaara could take anything thrown at him and he could still survive. He was so powerful, and if he really wanted to leave then he would have left...he wasn't horribly hurt, and Kiku had already healed his visible injuries to the best of her abilities. Maybe he wanted to be near her too.

The thought was so unlikely, but Kiku couldn't help but smile and hope.

Aya simply sighed and pat Kiku on the shoulder.

"Well our shifts are over for the night and I have to get home before my brother comes looking for me...just...be careful Kiku. I don't want to be at your funeral tomorrow."

"I'll be fine Aya. Don't worry. You hurry home. I'll just stay here tonight. Nothing bad will happen."

Kiku stood firm and smiled. She knew that she was in no danger and she would much rather spend her night at the hospital with Gaara than in her empty house.

With little else to say Aya waved goodbye and left the hospital, followed by several other medics. There was never very many people on the night shift. Just enough to get by. If there was an emergency the others could always be contacted, but now, after all the drama of the day, it was finally starting to quiet down.

With little else to do Kiku sat on the floor against the door to Gaara's room with the intention to check in on him after giving him time to eat.

"I'll just give him a little time." she thought. "He's not used to being cared for. I'm probably just making him uncomfortable."

She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head against them as she waited. Minutes passed by slowly as she began to drift off to sleep.

She awoke to the feeling of herself falling backwards. Her eyes flew open and she gasped, expecting her head to crack hard off the ground behind her, but when she finally assessed the situation she realized she was resting against a pile of sand, her head nestled against the grains.

"Kiku-chan..."

Tilting her head back against the sand she found herself staring directly into Gaara's eyes. He was kneeled behind her, his face only inches away.

She intended to order him back to bed, but the speech she was preparing in her head came out as a single quiet squeak as she stared into his eyes.

Gaara stood back up and the sand wound itself around Kiku, slowly helping her off the ground and to her feet before disappearing into the gourd on Gaara's back. She slowly turned to face him.

"How long since I gave you your dinner?" she asked, trying to guess how long she'd dozed off.

"Five hours."

She groaned and looked down.

"Five hours without even realizing...I'm the worst kunoichi ever..." she mumbled angrily at herself.

"You're a fine kunoichi."

Just a simple statement but Gaara's comment caused her lips to turn up ever slightly into a smile.

"I want to talk to you." he said quietly and her smile grew.

"Alright, go lay back down and we can talk." she said, pointing to the hospital bed. Gaara shook his head.

"Not here." he said, eyes looking in the direction of the exit.

"But I told you that you can't leave until I'm sure you're better." Kiku responded a bit forcefully. "I wouldn't be doing my job if I let you leave now."

"I want to talk to you...but not here." he repeated, looking around. Kiku nodded in understanding. He didn't want to be overheard, and it was possible at least one other medic was monitoring him tonight. Kiku was still rather inexperienced and dealing with someone who'd tried to kill her...if Emiko hadn't suggested someone watch after her Aya probably did.

Kiku stepped out of his way and started to walk towards the door.

"Alright, we can go somewhere to talk, but we have to come back here. I promised Temari and Kankurou that you'd be here with me."

Gaara nodded and the two of them quietly left the hospital.

Once out in the streets of Suna Kiku turned to Gaara.

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked,head tilted to the side as she stared at him. He just kept walking forward.

"Not yet." he muttered.

Kiku looked around. It was dark and the streets seemed empty, but maybe he knew of something she didn't. So she turned back to him.

"Follow me." she said, heading to the one place she knew they could speak privately.

Upon reaching the house Kiku swiftly unlocked the door and let Gaara inside.

"Nobody will hear us in here." she said, but he still didn't talk. Kiku frowned.

"This wasn't just some elaborate plot to murder me in my own home was it?" she asked, arms folded across her chest. It had been meant as a joke but her tone was more serious than she had intended.

"I won't hurt you." he said firmly and Kiku looked down, ashamed for even making the accusation in the first place.

'I'm such an idiot.' she thought before nodding and reaching for his hand. He looked at her and pulled his hand back a bit before letting her take hold of it.

"I trust you, you know? I wouldn't have brought you here otherwise. Sorry I said something so rude."

"But it's true. I could kill you right here and..."

"But you won't. You said you wouldn't." Kiku cut him off, gently squeezing his hand. Gaara pulled his hand free and walked away.

"Yes, I won't harm you. I...learned something in Konoha and I will not hurt you ever again. You never deserved it...like so many others..." Gaara's voice got quiet and Kiku could see the regret in his eyes. She was almost hesitant to interrupt him.

"W-what happened in Konoha? Everyone said there was an attack, but nobody would give any details."

"There was a surprise attack during the Chunin exams. I released Shukaku."

Kiku's eyes widened at the thought of the monster she'd seen as a child, of Gaara's other half. She couldn't imagine a reason for him to come back to Suna so injured, with so many following behind, if he had released their village's ultimate weapon. There was no way.

"But if you released Shukaku how come we lost? Konoha should have been destroyed. Are the ninja of Konoha that strong...what stopped you?" Her mind was a flurry of questions and she sat down in the nearest chair trying to focus.

"Naruto Uzumaki..." he said, looking up at the ceiling, his back to Kiku.

"Naru...to..." she repeated slowly, trying to recall why the name seemed so familiar. Then it hit her. Naruto Uzumaki, Konoha's own jinchuriki. Okarina had mentioned him a few times in her letters.

Okarina had called him a pervert, a goofball, and the most knuckle headed of all her friends. None of the letters had made him seem that terribly impressive. Kiku couldn't understand how Gaara could have lost to a guy like that.

"What happened...? I don't understand." she said, shaking her head.

"We were matched perfectly...both jinchuriki. We fought to a draw but he wouldn't give up. His friends were in danger of dying and he built up enough strength to keep moving because he had people to protect...and I lay there unable to do anything because I had nothing to fight for...only myself. I spent so long thinking that by killing everyone who got in my way that I could prove my existence and show my power...but in the end that way of thinking made me powerless. There is no meaning in fighting only for yourself."

Kiku watched Gaara silently. She had never thought of him as powerless, but she understood. Much of what she accomplished was thanks to him and Okarina...and Aya. Without her friends she would have had no drive. She would have just given up and settled into the life her mother had chosen for her. It must have been the same for Naruto.

"He and I are the same," Gaara continued. "...we grew up hated and faced the same cruelty from our villages...but while he stood by his village I forced mine away."

Kiku stood up and walked to him slowly. She placed a hand on his arm and he turned to look at her.

"I can't change the past, but I can work hard for this village from this day forward. I may never be able to make up for the horrible things I did and mend the ties I broke with the others of this village, but I will try."

Kiku gripped his arm gently and he looked down into her eyes.

"I would like to start by mending the ties I broke with you...I hope I can consider you a friend once again."

Kiku nodded slowly, still registering what he'd said before allowing the smile to spread wide across her face.

"Yes...of course we can be friends."

A/N: sorry for taking so long to update. Haven't had much break from work and school...didn't get any time to edit this either but figured I'd post it since I don't know when I'll get the time to again...hopefully this chapter doesn't suck too bad. I might edit this later if I get time. Also thank you to everyone who's left a review! I really appreciate the feedback. ^^ 


	29. Chapter 29

"What do you have to say for yourself, Hayama-San?!"

Kiku cringed.

"S-sorry..."

"Sorry?! You left with a patient in the middle of the night! All you can say is 'sorry'?"

Kiku took a small step back and looked at the floor.

"Not only was the patient not scheduled for release yet...on your orders, but he's a known murderer! You put yourself in danger to break one of the hospitals rules!"

Kiku didn't know what to say. She knew it was against rules to let a patient leave without formal release, but when Gaara had wanted to talk Kiku's memory of the rules seemed to have dissapeared.

"At least it seems he forgot about this morning..." Kiku thought to herself, looking back up at her supervisor.

"And about this morning..." continued Sekka.

Kiku's bit her lip...she knew where this was going.

"Sleeping in a patient's bed...If you both weren't so young there would have been serious repercussions. Not that we're accusing you of anything. We know what happened, but for future reference we can't have any of THAT sort of thing going on in our hospital. Do you know how bad we would look if people left here suddenly carrying a baby after a night here...patient OR medic?"

Kiku looked mildly puzzled. Perhaps she didn't quite know where this was going.

"But people are carrying babies here all the time. Emiko-sensei delivered 2 babies last week...they were alive and their mothers carried them home. I thought that made the hospital good." She looked up questioningly. "but what does that have to do with me?"

Sekka sighed.

"Right...too young for that...plus I doubt anything like that would happen with Gaara of all people." he muttered under his breath before focusing back on Kiku. "In any case it's against the rules to be in a patients bed if the patient is still in the room, understood?"

Kiku nodded. "Yes Sekka-San...but I didn't go there intentionally. I just woke up there. I was in the chair when I fell asleep..."

Sekka looked at her, his eyebrow raised. Kiku sighed.

"Sleeping on the job...ok I get it."

"Twice." he added and Kiku looked back to the floor. "Emiko-san and myself had Kamura-San watching you last night...that's what the report entails."

"I'm fired, aren't I?" she asked hesitantly, tears welling up in her eyes.

"No..." said Sekka and Kiku let out a breath of relief.

"But you will be suspended for a week."

Kiku nodded.

"Yes sir..."

"You're dismissed."

With that Kiku walked silently out of the room, shutting the door behind her...and was instantly surrounded by her fellow medics.

"What happened?!"

"Why did Sekka-San have to see you?"

"What did you do?"

"Does is have to do with Gaara-San?"

"He didn't kill anyone while he was with you did he?!"

"Is that what happened Kiku-San?!"

Kiku stood motionless eyes open wide as she heard the swarm of questions from her fellow medics.

"I...I...Ummmm...I'm..." she watched the other young medics move in closer. She knew they wanted answers but she wasn't sure what to tell them. She was still shocked and mildly confused by the current situation.

"Alright everyone! Back up and give the girl some space!"

The group backed up and stepped away, letting Aya step into the circle. She grabbed Kiku's hand and pulled her away from the other medics.

"Come with me."

Kiku could hear the whines of the other medics as they slowly dispersed and was suddenly pulled into an empty room with Aya.

"Ok, now that we're alone...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" Aya shouted.

Kiku's eyes shot open but closed quickly when she saw Aya's hand raised. She expected to be hit but instead felt a gentle pat on her head.

She slowly looked back up.

"I was really worried you know..." Aya's eyes were soft as she spoke quietly.

"I'm sorry..." Kiku said, quietly. "I made a mistake...but nothing happened. I just wanted to talk to Gaara-kun and then we came right back...but now..."

Kiku started to cry and Aya frowned.

"Come on Kiku-chan, stop crying...you didn't lose your job or anything. Suspensions aren't that bad...I've been suspended twice...just think of it as a short, unwanted vacation."

"You already knew?"

Kiku wiped her eyes and looked at Aya. Aya nodded slowly.

"Emiko-sensei told me. It was her idea for the suspension...Sekka-San just likes to be in charge of delivering the punishments to the newer ninjas...scare them into shape I guess."

"Oh..."

"Come on, stop frowning so much. Emiko-sensei did this for you to relax. You probably need it after everything."

Kiku nodded. "Sekka-San was so mad...I fell asleep on the job and woke up in Gaara's bed which apparently is really bad. Sekka said something about babies, but I don't see what that has to do with any of this. Really, what do babies have to do with sleeping?!"

Kiku frowned even more as Aya burst into a fit of laughter.

"Seka-san didn't really say that, did he?"

Kiku looked at Aya curiously. "Yes he did...what's so funny?"

Aya slowly fell to a chuckle before looking around the room for something. She lifted papers off the desks and peered into drawers until she came up with a small soft cover book.

"Emiko-sensei gave this to me a couple years ago. Just read it and you'll understand what he meant. Not really supposed to give it to you until you're 14, but I think you're close enough."

Kiku took the book without even looking at it. She couldn't even think of reading right now. She still didn't know if Gaara was home safely, and she couldn't get the thought of her suspension out of her mind.

"Come on Kiku-chan. This really isn't like you. Why are you still so unhappy."

"...because I'm still in trouble."

Aya flicked Kiku's forehead.

"Not really...everyone makes mistakes. You just have to deal with it and not get so depressed over something stupid. You're a kunoichi...toughen up a little. It's vacation, nothing else."

Kiku nodded and slowly smiled. "You're right...I'll just try to treat this as a vacation...there were a few things I've been meaning to do anyway..."

"Does any of that have to do with Gaara-San?" Aya asked, watching Kiku's face. When Kiku tried to look away Aya sighed. "I figured as much...well then I guess you better head outside...Temari-San is outside waiting to talk to you next."

Kiku's eyes widened and she made a quick turn for the door before Aya grabbed her shoulder.

"I don't really approve of you talking to Gaara-San...but I won't stop you from something you want. Just please promise me you'll be more careful. There are a lot of us that really care about you."

Kiku nodded. "I promise."

Aya smiled then shooed her out the door. "Then hurry up and don't make Temari-san wait much longer."

"I wonder if I'll be able to see Gaara again soon." she muttered as she headed out of the hospital, a bright smile now plastered on her face. She was so happy she never seemed to notice the eye that seemed to be watching her every move.

[A/N]: So sorry for the delay guys! Work had me working overtime the last few months...but I was just put on temporary suspension so I have a few months to write now...yay! Kinda...lol. Anyways, sorry if this isn't that great...haven't written anything in so long I have to get back in the habit...Currently planning out the next few chapters though so those should be better (and longer). Hoping to post the next chapter by the end of the week. Thanks a bunch for reading! ^.^


	30. Chapter 30

Never in her life had Kiku felt so overwhelmed by her mere surroundings. In fact, never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined herself sitting in what was the Kazekage's kitchen. The room was large, much larger than her kitchen at home. In fact, the entire home was much larger than her own. She stared down at the cup in her hands and took a deep breath.

"Are you alright, Hayama-san? Do you not like the tea?"

"Uh...yes...I mean no...I mean...It's great." Kiku said hurriedly, taking a sip of the drink as her eyes drifted back up to look at Temari.

"You don't look so good, Kid."

Kiku looked over at Kankuro and shook her head.

"R-really...I'm fine."

Kankuro looked at her curiously before shrugging his shoulders.

"Whatever you say, but if the tea sucks, blame Temari."

Temari cast Kankuro a harsh glare and he smirked in response. Temari turned her attention back to her guest.

"You don't have to lie if something is wrong, Hayama-san. You can tell me if something is bothering you."

"I guess I'm not very subtle...but...is it really ok for me to be here?"

Kiku looked up at the others and frowned.

"I mean, the Kazekage mansion is usually off limits to everyone, aside from the Kazekage's family and important ninjas for the village. Someone like me just shouldn't be here."

"Of course it's alright." Temari said, a small smile passing her lips. "This is our home...for now at least, and we invited you here as a guest. I never would have brought you here if you weren't welcome. Plus every ninja in our village is important. So honestly if you're just nervous you don't have to be."

Kiku nodded and took another sip of her tea in an attempt to calm her nerves. 'Easier said than done.' she thought.

"Was there something that you needed from me Temari-san?" she asked quietly.

Temari nodded and took a sip from her own cup. "I just wanted to thank you properly for how you handled the situation yesterday...we both did." She nudged Kankuro with her elbow and he nodded.

"It's not something that requires any thanks." Kiku said. "I'm a medic nin. It's our job to help those who are injured...and besides...I...I couldn't stand to see Gaara-kun being left unattended." Just the thought of him being hurt and alone caused Kiku to frown. Even if he hadn't changed, even if he had still wanted to kill her, she didn't think she could have left him alone in that hospital room.

She could hear Kankuro chuckle as she snapped out of her thoughts.

"You've never been afraid of him have you? Even before the Chunin exams, you asked me about how he was. You were worried about him weren't you?"

Kiku nodded slowly. "But I know he's ok, so now I don't have to worry anymore." A small smile graced her lips. Her uneasiness seemed to melt away as she remembered the last 24 hours. The Gaara she had always known was back. He was back and he was safe...and he had called her a friend.

"I always knew you were crazy." Kankuro mumbled. "but I'm glad about that. If you weren't then I doubt anyone would have helped Gaara. So really, thank you, kid."

Kiku blushed and drank what was left of her tea, trying to hide her embarrasment. She never would have expected so much thanks from either of Gaara's siblings. She couldn't help but think that they had changed for the better as well.

Kiku was beginning to get lost in her thoughts when she heard Temari groan. She jumped slightly in her seat and looked at the older girl. Temari was looking at the clock when she suddently got out of her seat and started pulling Kankuro from his.

"Sorry to cut this short but we have to meet with the council soon."

Kiku nodded. She was sure they had a lot to talk about considering everything that had happened. She suddenly felt a little more important knowing they had made time just to thank her. She couldn't help but smile as she gathered her things.

After a few short goodbyes, Kiku excused herself from the table. Even as she left and the door closed behind her, she still couldn't believe all the thanks she had recieved and the fact that she'd spent time in the Kazekage Mansion. She suddenly wondered what her mother would have thought about that. Kiku figred she'd make it an even bigger deal than it already was...probably even try to make her own way inside. A small chuckle escaped her lips as she took one last glance behind her before heading back home. She was rather glad to be rid of her mother and sister for the next few weeks. She could finally enjoy something without their interference.

The sky was starting to darken as she slowly made her way through the streets of Suna. She wrapped her scarf loosely around her neck and yawned, stretching her arms out behind herself. The day was hardly over, yet she felt as if so much had already happened.

Passing by a convenience store, she stopped for a moment before walking inside.

"I wonder what I should have for dinner." she pondered to herself as she slowly walked the aisles. All the trouble and excitement of the past few days had left Kiku without much of an appetite and she couldn't find anything appealing. As she walked the last isle she decided to just grab a large boxed meal of rice, vegetables, and what she figured was some sort of sliced beef.

As she approached the front of the store, she noticed a flash of red beside the register. She paused for a moment, staring. The owner gave Kiku a slight smile. His gray hair fell in front of his eyes as he motioned towards the small display.

"Ah, I see you noticed our newest delivery." he said. "My grandson just came today with a whole bunch of flowers. They're only available for a limited time, you know how it is."

Kiku reached out, gently picking up the small potted flower that had caught her attention.

"I'll take this one."

She flashed a smile back to the owner before paying him for both items and leaving the store with a new destination in mind.

Holding the plant close to her chest, Kiku ran through Suna. As she passed her house she didn't even look to see who was waiting for her there, nor did she notice that she was now silently being followed.

(A/N: Not much happened in this chapter...sorry for that. Things will pick up soon though I promise. Thanks to everyone for reading. I really appreciate it. ^^)


	31. Chapter 31

The night air was warm but the sand upon which Kiku sat was cool to the touch. She ran her hands through the sand before rearranging the flowers that lay on the ground before her.

"I know it's been a long time since I visited you last."

Kiku's voice was quiet.

"A lot has happened since then."

Kiku ran her hand over her headband, a small smile tugging on her lips.

"I'm a kunoichi now...a shocker, I know right? I work for the hospital as a medic-nin. It's really tough sometimes but I love the work. Everyone is so nice and they've been helping me a lot! I've learned a whole lot, and I feel like I have a real purpose now. I understand why you loved your job so much."

"Oh! I hope you like the flowers I brought you. It was the first time I'd seen someone else bring them into Suna. I still have all the ones we planted in my room. I've been taking good care of them. They're getting so big sometimes I have to trim them and I give them to the children at the hospital. It's another talent I must have got from you. I'm a water affinity like you too! Isn't that cool?"

Kiku fidgeted in her spot a little, her smile growing a bit wider.

"Ummm...there was something else I wanted to tell you as well."

She leaned back on the sand, resting beside the stone to her right.

"Gaara-kun is back. He's like how he used to be...and he said we can be friends again. I know a lot of you adults didn't like him, but I'm sure if you met him you'd like him. He just needs to be given a chance. You used to say that about me, remember? Whenever I'd mess something up and mother would get mad. You'd say I just needed to be given a chance...that people would understand me someday."

Kiku stared up into the darkening sky. Old memories flashing through her mind.

"Gaara-kun gave me that chance. He was the first person to really like me for just being me...He's the reason I came this far. I think you would have liked him for that."

Kiku let out a small sigh and turned to look at the stone's carvings.

"I really miss you daddy...I'm sorry I couldn't tell you all this in person. If you were still alive..."

A sudden rush of sadness seemed to wash over her as the realization of what she was doing and what she was saying seemed to finally hit her. She slowly stood up and dusted the sand off of her clothes.

"It's getting late, but I'll see you again soon. I'll bring flowers from our plants next time."

Again, she felt the pang in her chest. She pressed a small hand to the stone and looked away quickly, walking away before the tears made it down her cheeks.

Seven years.

Each step Kiku took felt heavy in her heart and she quickened her pace until she was running. Running away from the grave, running away from the pain quickly overtaking her.

It had been seven years since her father had passed, and yet the pain never seemed to lessen. She just had the urge to keep running, as if somehow it would help her escape her emotions. Her mind seemed to blank and she was suddenly brought back to the feelings she had felt the day she'd run from his funeral. The day that sad little girl had run from reality, as if not aknowleging his death would somehow bring him back to life.

"Why do I keep doing this? Why am I running away?" she wondered, but her legs didn't stop.

Before she'd even realized it she found herself back on that old playground.

Kiku slowed to a stop, her breathing ragged as she bent forward, hands on her knees. She slowly looked around.

It was dark, all but one of the lamps that kept it lit were burnt out. In the flickering glow of a single lamp, Kiku could see the swingset to her left and she carefully walked towards it. Grasping the cool metal chains with her hands, she carefully lowered herself down onto the seat. A light breeze blew by and she closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling as she lowered her head.

"Why do I always end up here?" She asked herself.

In her mind she recalled her father's funeral and the first time she ran to the playground. She recalled the few times she had tried to visit his grave. Each time had ended up the same. She always ended up in the same place, and she honestly couldn't tell why. It wasn't as if it did anything to help her in any way. It was just a reaction her body had to such a stressful situation.

Kiku sat, staring blankly off into the dark distance before tilting her head up to see the nearly full moon above her. Just as always it seemed, she wondered whether her friends were watching the same moon. One name in particular she couldn't help but mutter into the dark as she slowly stood up to balance herself on the old swing, just as she used to in childhood.

"Gaara-kun..."

"Yes, Kiku-chan?"

The sudden sound behind her came as a complete shock to Kiku and she quickly tried to turn around to face the source. The swing moved from beneath her feet as she twisted around and she found herself falling backwards towards the ground. However she soon felt her arms and legs wrapped by thin layers of sand, slowing her fall. She merely fell gently into the arms or the person behind her, who readily helped her sit back on the swing before taking the seat beside her. She couldn't help but feel a sudden calm.

Kiku looked to her side to see Gaara looking back at her. She opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing there but she was cut off before she could make a sound.

"You shouldn't stand on the swings." he said quietly. "You always fall..."

Kiku stared at him, wide eyed for a moment before a small chuckle escaped her lips.

"I like you best when you laugh."

Gaara's voice was so quiet, Kiku couldn't tell if she'd heard him correctly. She looked him over curiously.

"What are you doing here exactly?" She asked, pushing her feet against the ground to gently move her swing. "I would have thought you'd be busy…considering everything that's happened. The Kazekage's funeral is tomorrow, isn't it?"

Gaara nodded and looked up at the sky.

"Yes, it's tomorrow, but Temari and Kankuro handled the arrangements with the council today. It wasn't something I had to be involved in."

Kiku nodded her head slowly. She should have known the council wouldn't have wanted him involved. Despite his current change, Kiku was sure nobody aside from his siblings and herself saw any sort of difference in him. She wondered if he'd even go to the funeral. Most everyone from the village would probably be there. If he showed up there would probably be a lot of negative gossip…but if he didn't show up she was sure the villagers would find some way to twist that as well. He just couldn't win.

Kiku let out a very audible sigh, and a look of sorrow flashed across her face. She couldn't help but wish things would change somehow. After everything he'd already been through, Kiku didn't want to believe it would continue on this way forever.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Gaara spoke up once again.

"It's dark out…you should go home, right? You haven't eaten dinner yet."

Kiku thought for a moment. Right now, there was nobody home waiting for her. She was suspended from work and there was no real reason to go home. Anything that might scare her from being out so late was now irrelevant due to her companion. However she looked to her side and saw her small bag of groceries. She'd almost completely forgotten about it. She wondered how he could tell she hadn't eaten when even she had forgotten. Pushing the thought aside she looked to Gaara.

"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? It's not much, but we could talk more at my house. I mean…if you're not busy…"

Kiku was half expecting him to turn her down, so when her bag was suddenly lifted by sand and placed on her lap with a slight nod of Gaara's head she was pleasantly surprised. She was up on her feet and her mood suddenly lifted as she ran ahead and waved her hand for him to follow.

As they walked through Suna, Kiku realized just how late it was. While the streets were always bustling in the day they were now empty, save for a few people they passed on their way. Of those few people, their reactions had all been the same. The second they saw Gaara their course of direction would change completely. Either running back in the direction they came or turning down the nearest street corner. They all look terrified and they all ran.

Kiku's hands balled into tight fists as she glared in the direction of these people, but Gaara's expression never changed. He remained as calm as ever and that alone pained Kiku to no end. He'd seen these reactions so many times it seemed as if they didn't even bother him anymore. For once the lights outside of her empty, lonely house seemed like a beacon of rescue from the cruel world outside its walls.

Without thinking Kiku reached for Gaara's hand, and when they reached her home together she felt his fingers entwine with hers as she gently pulled him inside. For just a moment they both seemed completely at peace, and Kiku realized something of herself. The feeling she always longed for when she ran to the playground, the feeling of comfort that she never seemed to get, she felt it now, and she knew that ever since their first meeting, it was him she'd been trying to run to all along.

A/N: Sorry if this chapter isn't that great. .-. I wrote it in tiny pieces at a time because 2 jobs + a family that wants me to clean endlessly to fit their OCDness doesn't make for much writing time. sorry sorry


	32. Chapter 32

Kiku hated funerals.

Death was just a part of being a ninja, and in a ninja village such as Suna, funerals were a rather frequent occurance. Though she knew these things happened, she would have preffered to forget. She hated the sights and the sounds of people in the depths of sorrow, and she hated the permanence.

"He's really not coming back..." she whispered.

"That's what happens when you die."

Kiku turned to her left to look at Gaara and nodded before looking back out at the large group of people in front of them, all lined up to pay their respects to the fallen Kazekage. Temari and Kankuro stood at the front, thanking each person as they made their way past his grave site. To Kiku it seemed as if the entire village had shown up. Everyone must have wanted to say their final goodbyes.

She and her companion stayed rooted in their spot several feet away.

As the people started to clear out, however, Kiku felt a sudden pull on her hand. A small swirl of sand had wrapped itself around her wrist and it gently pulled her forward. Only then did she notice Gaara had finally decided to move from their secluded spot, daring to venture into the crowd. Kiku took a deep breath and followed after him.

The closer they got, the more people moved aside for them to pass. Kiku could hear the gasps and whispers as Gaara moved by each of them slowly. However, when he stopped at the grave things became completely silent.

Temari and Kankuro looked at Gaara as he placed his flower amongst the others at the grave.

"Father...I hope one day I can understand why you did all this."

Gaara's voice was calm and steady as he spoke and Kiku silently wondered what it was he was really feeling in that moment. She really couldn't tell if he was sad or bitter about the current situation, but she kept her questions quiet.

When he turned to walk away, the whispers and murmurs returned. Kiku placed her own flower beside Gaara's and turned to Temari and Kankuro, bowing her head slightly in aknowledgement. Each gave her a small nod before turning their looks back to Gaara, who was now leaving the burial grounds without looking back.

Kiku turned in his directions and set off after him, ignoring the talk of the people behind her. Just in the way he was walking, his pace just slightly quicker than normal, Kiku could tell there was something wrong. She was sure his siblings must have noticed it as well.

As the two walked the empty streets of Suna there was nothing but quiet. Neither one of them said a word and the silence grew harsher and harsher in Kiku's ears. Eventually it was all she could take.

"Gaara-kun?"

He didn't respond, and when Kiku reached a hand out to grab his shoulder she was shocked to have it deflected by a small wall of sand. She let out an audible gasp and Gaara turned to look at her, eyes opened wide. The sand fell away quickly and he cast his gaze downward.

"I'm sorry...about that." he said quietly. Kiku shook her head and waved her hands in front of herself.

"No no no...you don't have to apologize. I didn't mean to startle you like that...really, it's not your fault."

Gaara looked back at her.

"How do you do that?" he asked.

Kiku looked at him and tilted her head in confusion.

"How do I do what?"

"Forgive me so easily..."

Kiku was at a loss for words and she just stared at him for a moment before her answer slowly formed in her mind.

"Because," she said, "I know you deserve it."

Gaara shook his head.

"I wonder how many of their loved ones I killed. All those people at my father's funeral. I wonder how many they'd been to before this, and whether it was my fault. Could they ever forgive that."

Kiku looked into Gaara's eyes. They were pained but his expression stayed neutral. Even though she could tell he was sad, it was as if he'd forgotten how to show it. Kiku felt her own eyes starting to tear up at the very thought.

"I don't know if they ever will, but you'll never know unless you try." A tear made its way down her face. "And even if nobody else ever does, I always will...I promise."

Gaara nodded and watched as Kiku brushed the tear away from her face to smile at him. This time it was Gaara who reached out to Kiku and as she gripped his hand tightly in hers he could feel the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly.

A/N: Random filler chapter because I can't sleep O.o


	33. Chapter 33

"It's so warm." Kiku mumbled as she slowly awoke. She sighed and pulled herself closer to her pillow, burying her face against it. As she did so, however, her pillow suddenly moved. Kiku's eyes flew open in a flash and she found herself staring at a shirt. Gaara's shirt.  
>Her gaze slowly moved upwards and was met buy Gaara's own wide eyed look of surprise. It took her a few moments to realize she still had him in the death grip she reserved for her pillows, her arms wound tightly around his middle. As quickly as she could she disentangled herself and sat up in her bed, trying to remember how she'd ended up in this awkward situation.<br>Then she remembered. She hadn't wanted to be alone.  
>The Kazekage's funeral had shaken her up quite a bit, and the thought of spending her night alone in her empty house had worried her. When she asked Gaara if he could stay with her until she fell asleep he had quietly agreed. He even sat beside her when she had asked him.<br>"Only until you fall asleep." he had told her. Yet he was still here.  
>As if sensing her question, Gaara spoke up. "You like to grab things in your sleep."<br>Kiku slammed her head into her palms and shook it from side to side.  
>"Please tell me I didn't keep you here all night because of that." she groaned into her hands.<br>"You did. I thought if I tried to go I'd wake you."  
>Kiku could feel her face burning.<br>"I'm so so sorry Gaara-kun." she mumbled.  
>When she looked up she saw Gaara walking across her room to pick his gourd back up. As he set his gourd on his back he looked back at Kiku calmly.<br>"There's no need to be sorry. I had nothing else to do. I'm just glad you slept well."  
>Kiku didn't really know what to say, so she just nodded at his words.<br>"Ummm...do you want some breakfast?"  
>Gaara shook his head.<br>"I should go find Temari and Kankuro. Maybe another day."  
>"Y-yeah." was all she could say as she watched him go. When she turned to watch him out of her window she caught a sudden glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her eyes opened wide in terror.<br>Her hair was a mass of purple sticking out in every direction with a giant ball of curls seeming resting on the very top of her head. She hadn't even changed into night clothes and her dress from the day before was wrinkled and starting to fall from her right shoulder as random buttons had become undone in her sleep.  
>"He saw me like this?! This is so embarrassing!" she shrieked to herself as she threw herself face first into her pillows. Kiku was so distraught at the thought she didn't even hear the banging on her front door or the voice yelling that it was coming in. It wasn't until she heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and towards her door that she sat back up.<br>"Did Gaara forget something?" she wondered. However, the red hair she was expecting never came instead all she saw was was a flash of blonde before she found herself face to face with Aya.  
>The young girl had grabbed Kiku by the shoulders.<br>"Kiku! Are you ok? He didn't hurt you did he?"  
>"Gaara?" Kiku looked at Aya questionably.<br>"Of course Gaara! I just saw him leaving your house! Alone...without you. I thought you were hurt or dead when you didn't answer the door." Aya held Kiku's face in her hands.  
>"He didn't hurt me, Aya. He just stayed the night...he had to go talk to Kankuro and Temari. I didn'thave to go with him."<br>Aya dropped to her knees in front of Kiku's bed. She silently looked the younger girl over.  
>"Please tell me this didn't happen because I gave you that book. I am the worst friend ever! I should have waited until you were older to let you read it!" Aya's face fell.<br>Kiku looked at her curiously before looking around the room.  
>"Ummm...I don't know what this has to do with your book, Aya, but I haven't read it yet...it's over there." Kiku pointed at her desk.<br>Aya got up to get the book, but Kiku cut her off and swiped the book off the desk before Aya could reach it.  
>"What is so important about this book?!" Kiku groaned. Flipping open to a random page in the book Kiku stood still, staring blankly at a small illustration in the corner.<br>"W-what are they doing?!" Kiku's eyes searched the page for some sort of answer.  
>"...the man then puts...WHAT IS THAT!? in...WHERE?! and then...Uh...ummmm..."<br>After a few moments of her flipping back and forth between the pages, the book fell to the floor and Kiku stood still staring at the empty space the book had just been in her hands. Aya cringed slightly, remembering her own past experience with that book.  
>"I really should have thought this through before giving it to you." she said. "Soooo...any questions?"<br>"Y-you thought I did that?!...and...and Sekka-san thought..." Kiku slowly slumped down to the floor. She stared blankly at the floor.  
>Aya chuckled nervously. "Well I see I had nothing to worry you didn't do anything." She rubbed the back of her head. "I'm gonna go...let you take all that in...ummm...be back later..."<br>When Kiku still didn't respond Aya slowly backed out of the door and ran out of the house, shutting the door behind her. Once outside she headed straight for the hospital.  
>"Emiko-sensei is gonna kill me." she yelled. "I think I just broke our new medic."<p>

{A/N} This is the result of a crack conversation between my friends and I O.o Was also written way late last night. So yeah...more filler. An actual full chapter should be up soon.


	34. Chapter 34

Darkness filled the space around Kiku. She sat at the edge of her bed, knees pulled up against her chest as she stared intently out her window. The sun had set and she could see the lights in the village beginning to flicker on. She knew she must have been sitting there for a long time, but how long it had really been...she had no idea.

In fact the young girl was so engrossed in her thoughts that she simply ignored the knock at her door. Her eyes were once again drawn to the object sitting to her side and she frowned.

"I never knew people could be so disgusting. How can they do that?" she mumbled to herself, picking the book up once again and lifting her arm to toss it. She would never read that book again, and she would never leave her house. That would make it's contents highly irrelivent in her life.

However when her gaze moved up to look at the side of the room she could see a face at her window. She jumped to her feet in surprise as Gaara quietly tapped on the glass. Forgetting the book for a moment she dropped it on her bed and walked across the room to open the window.

As she unlocked and opened her window she noticed the pile of sand Gaara was standing upon. He was simply floating beside her 2nd story window and for a moment Kiku just watched in awe.

"May I come in?" His simple request snapped Kiku from her mini stupor and she stood back from the window.

"Y-yeah..."

Gaara knelt down and crawled in through her window. Once inside, the sand he'd been standing upon flowed calmly back into his gourd.

"Are you ill?" Gaara asked, looking Kiku over carefully. She was still in the clothes she had woken up in, and though she'd tamed the pile of knotted curls, her hair was still messier than usual.

Kiku shook her head but refused to look Gaara directly in the face. Just thinking of what the others had thought made her face burn. Being close to him embarrased her more than she cared to admit to herself.

Gaara held a box out to Kiku.

"It's a gift from Temari. If you're sick you should still be able to eat it."

Kiku looked inside and could see a few sealed containers and a bottle of tea. She still refused to look at him, her blush still apparent on her face.

"What's in the container?" she asked.

"Temari made miso soup and rice. Since your mother and sister aren't here she said you shouldn't have to fend for yourself. She asked me to bring you some."

"That was very kind of Temari-san."

Kiku smiled. Even her own family never would have been so considerate of her well being. Typically her mother didn't even bother to go shopping for food before her trips. She never left money either. As a medic nin she expected her youngest daughter to pay for her own things, despite the fact a portion of her paychecks was still funneling into her mother's pocket. Temari barely knew Kiku and she cared enough to make sure she wouldn't go hungry. The thought warmed Kiku's heart and she thought to thank Temari in person the next time that she saw her.

Gaara remained silent and eventualy Kiku looked up.

He stood before her, serious as ever, simply peering at her face.

"Your face is very red. You really look ill."

Kiku turned her back to him and placed the box at the foot of her bed.

"I'm fine...really. I'll just bring these downstairs later. I'm not very hungry right now. Ummm...thank Temari-san for me though, would you."

Kiku refused to turn around and look at him again. Her gaze fell to the book once again and she could feel her face burn. If ever there was a time she wished she could just crawl up and disapear into herself it was now.

Several seconds passed. Then a few minutes. Then Kiku could hear sand shifting behind her and the sound of something by the window.

Gaara was leaving.

Kiku was about to let out a small sigh of relief but it soon turned to a gasp as she felt herself being lifted up off the ground. Gaara had picked her up and she was gently deposited onto her bed, her back resting against her pillows.

As she tried to figure out exactly what was going on she suddenly found a spoon extended out near her face.

"Eat."

Gaara stared intently in her face, holding the spoon full of soup out in front of him.

When she didn't move he repeated himself again, this time a little sterner.

"Eat. You wouldn't let me leave the hospital until I'd eaten. You said food is needed to help you heal. So eat."

Kiku couldn't help but chuckle. She remembered telling him that, one of the many mini speeches she had forced Gaara to listen to at the hospital. To eat, to stay in bed, to rest even if he couldn't sleep. It made her happy to know he'd taken her words to heart.

Kiku opened her mouth and it was soon filled with the warm broth. As she swallowed the soup she held her hands out towards Gaara.

"I can feed myself, you know."

Gaara handed her the container and the spoon and Kiku took another sip of broth.

"You know," Gaara said quietly "Yashamaru used to feed me whenever I was sick."

"My father used to do the same thing." Kiku said, before taking another spoonful into her mouth.

She could remember being a little girl with a cold. Her father watching over her all night and helping her to eat her food and sip her water. He'd make sure she was comfortable, wrapped in her blankets, and whenever she had a fever he'd leave a cold compress on her forehead and hold her hand while she fell asleep. Even if she only had a nightmare he would spend the night sitting in her room. His presence always comforted her no matter the problem.

The first time she'd gotten sick after he passed, her mother merely left her a bowl of rice and a glass of water before disappearing for the rest of the night. She had never felt more lonely than in that very moment. She wondered if it had been the same for Gaara after Yashamaru was gone. She knew it had probably been worse.

The two were then quiet as Kiku slowly finished her meal. She set it on her bedside table and relaxed into her pillows.

She flashed Gaara a small smile. "Thank you."

He gave her a nod in aknowledgement.

It was quiet once again and Kiku shifted nervously in her spot. Her eyes were drawn to the book still sitting at the foot of her bed. Gaara noticed her gaze and reached for the item in question, lifting it up. Kiku's eye shot open and she lunged forward to grab the book from him. A small wall of sand came up but quickly fell as Gaara simply handed the book to her.

"This must be very important for you if you don't want me to see it." he said as she pulled the book up against her chest.

"It's not important..." she mumbled. "It's embarrassing...I don't want you to see it."

Gaara tilted his head to the side.

"I don't see what's so embarrassing about a bodily function."

Kiku's eyes shot open and she pulled her knees up, hiding her face againts them.

"So you know what's in the book already?"

"Yes. I have a lot of time in my day...I do read." he said matter-of-factly. "Temari got that book from one of the medic nins a few years ago. It's something they give to all female ninjas before they leave the village I think. To know what can happen."

Kiku shivered. She didn't want to think of that part in the book. She didn't want to think of that book at all.

"I don't ever want to do that. I know it says people want to but I don't." Kiku said, frowning.

"You haven't...have you?" she asked quietly, peeking up from behind her knees.

"No."

Gaara was quick with his answer. No embarrasement on the topic and no falter in his voice.

"I think it shows a lack of self control, leaving ones self vulnerable. It's not something I plan to do in the near future either."

Gaara reached over and took the book from Kiku's shaking hands. She looked up at him.

"Don't worry about this thing. If you don't wish to do that, then you don't have to. Should you ever change your mind when you're older, then there's nothing to worry about right?"

Kiku nodded but her face remained serious.

"but the book said..." her voice drifted off. She didn't want to repeat what she'd read.

Gaara gave a slight nod.

"I know, but should anyone ever try to make you do anything you don't wish to do I will stop them myself. I don't want you to worry about unnecessary things alright?"

Kiku nodded, a sigh of relief passing her lips. She knew he was right. The things in the book wouldn't become relevant in her life unless she decided to make them relevent, and with Gaara as her friend she knew nobody would risk hurting her for fear of his retaliation. Though she was always finding herself upset about his reputation, for once she was almost greatful. If anyone could protect her she knew it was him.

The room had become dark during their conversation, it was now only illuminated by the faint lights outside. Kiku sat back against her pillows and let a yawn escape. She wondered how late it was.

Gaara got up from the foot of the bed. She wondered if he would leave and was about to ask him to stay one more night, but before she could say anything he sat on the floor beside his gourd. He leaned against her wall and looked her way.

"Sleep."

Kiku lay her head against her pillows and pulled her covers up to her shoulders. She suddenly felt 5 years old again. Having someone to watch over her gave her comfort and she settled calmly into bed. Her eyes becoming heavy, she gave him a small smile and whispered, "thank you."

She could only wish that some day she could bring him peace as well.

[A/N] - Well...here's a new chapter. Didn't get around to editing it or anything so hope it doesn't suck too bad. .-. Next chapter is for sure back to the main chunk of the story...no more side trips and detours. yay! Comments are always appreciated. :) They keep me motivated and on track with the story. The next chapter is mostly typed out already so I will have that up in the next few days :)


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